Betty Crocker

Dusted off the oven. Destroyed a wisk mixer and made some wonderful cupcakes.

I spent 450 to buy supplies to make cookies. I just couldn't find the time to make the dough.

Cookies will have to be a project for Saturday morning.

Blame Santa

The night before Christmas and I can't sleep. I am gonna blame running around in a Santa suit handing out bags of candy. Some of them were nice and some were naughty. But hey it is Christmas.

Have a good one.

Merry Christmas

Frog story

Saturday after the sports day. My co-workers and I retired to Frog, near

China Medical. One of my co-workers claims: He once used a block buster

card to get a new Canadian passport. After overstaying his Taiwan visa,

he left for Thailand. He went to the embassy and said he "Lost his passport".

He wanted to avoid the "overstay" stamp in his passport. He had only

the one piece of identification, and some kind of magic pen. He provided

two non-relative witnesses in Canada. They were contacted, they said they

knew him, they were able to provide details and he got a new passport in

two days. Good only for one year, and it had the same passport number. So

when he returned to Taiwan, the computer led the officers to say "Have you

ever "Overstayed" ?

The other co-worker began his one- up- man -ship spiel. After traveling on

visa runs 9 times with China airlines, he got a ticket with EVA. The different

airline would not issue him the return boarding pass. He then had to go to the

ticket counter in HongKong. They noticed his stamps and wanted to know

how he was making money in Taiwan. Why did he have so many landing visas?

He was put in some small room with a guy who watches him. When some

woman entered and brought a barge of questions he pulled a silver stick out of

his ass. He loves the beautiful location of Hshinju and is writing a book about the

area. All his money goes to his publisher in Switzerland and he is really taking his

time to gather the facts and develop the Taiwan adventure story. The female

clerk was so pleased she returned his passport with a 60 day visa, and a nice cup

of tea. The woman left "beaming, and gleaming from the shine". Too which the guy

assigned to watch him said " Writing a book, huh. Never heard that one before".


Guess if I want to have some stories to write home about, I gotta get an attitude

adjustment. Perhaps developing my bullshit projector. If only Cranberry would

Publish his how-to book " The Development of the Silver Tongue."

Feng Le Park Report

I got to the right park. I set down my bag. Played on some slides. Sang Happy Birthday. Ate cake. Spoke to John Kuel, Scott, Karl, Cynthia met Dale and Ishmal. Said hello to Jeff. Saw Ivo playing in an orange suit. Went for a boat ride. Took some pictures. Drank a beer. (The rum had evaporated). Played on the inflatable house. Walked a dog. Saw lots of teenagers groping one another, saw some lesbians licking one another's faces. Ran down a hill. Said hello to Dean. Ran down the hill. Ate some Bread. Watched Ivo and Kaia run down the hill. Spoke to Keith. Said good night. Went to the night market, played some games, ate some food, Went to Costco, (Which was as crowded and narrow as the night market) Took a long walk. Jumped in a cab.

Sports Day with the 5th grade

kevlar's wife pays/paid mainland companies to play her online games for her...

this documentary looks into those gaming workshops - chinese gold farmers

Spy Satellite Captures Photos of the Compound

The tilt of the Earth and a few parted clouds enabled this shot of A-Hole's Peep choosing juices.

The beverages were secretly enclosed in a cooling unit that looked like a white BMW with a dust cover. Some kinda transformer fridge.

homer every day for 39 years

I don't see much simpsons past season 8 so I don't know when its from ...

so see this one while it lasts (cause it might get pulled)

I Think You're The Father Of One Of My Kids.

My old man sent me this joke:

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman
waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he
can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, 'Do you know me?' to which she replies,

'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

His mind travels back to the only time he has ever been
unfaithful to his wife and says,

'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party who I bopped on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner cornholed my ass with wet vegetables???'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly,

'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

good cop baby cop

kinda like the landlord

starring will ferrell and pearl

What I did and didn't get for Ivo's B-day?

--------TOP SECRET-------

The cool Spiderman truck, was

replaced with what is in the pink box.

-------- TOP SECRET------

Cool movie

Ok so the Simpson's Movie is out here on DVD. Here is a little ditty of a movie that Bratt

couldn't watch if he wanted to. It is a neat little tale about a deaf guy riding a bicycle around

Taiwan and not having any sex. English subtitles only.

One moment at work

human tetris

The Original Human TETRIS Performance
Uploaded by NOTsoNOISY

also available

human space invaders

and

human pong

my grandpa would have been 90 today.

so while we're waiting for kevlar's video tribute to me (cringe)

here's a nice cover of john prine's grandpa was a carpenter

Quote for Sunday

Ability is what you're capable of doing.

Motivation determines what you do.

Attitude determines how well you do it.
- Lou Holtz

This space is supposed to be used for the Ry birthday tribute video.. but it is taking a silly amount of time and his birthday was Friday.

red green

no time for blogging this week.

i've been watching some red green lately though

in this clip red takes a trip to his mecca, the duct tape factory



and in this one he makes coffee with a lawn mower

the man's a genius

Idioms

"It's rainning cats and dogs" "Jump out of your skin" "Shake a leg" For the

second grade reader. After presenting idioms like "The pot calling the kettle

black" "50 steps laughing at 100 steps" I asked the Kiwi for an alternative...

to which the Quebecian responded..

" The hash calling the grass dope" ha ha ha

i just watched one Evel video... he jumps 50 cars

Phrases that float through my office

Term: "Picking up stompies", originates from S.Africa. It is to

run over and pick up a smoker's smoking butt. It means to

continue and/or interrupt a conversation that you were not

following. In such a way that your input does not make any

sense. It is also someone who picks up butts to roll into a new

cigarette, which is made worse when they make the new

cigarette from someone else's ashtray. It is negative.

Term: "Cloth Ears", orginates from Kiwi Land. It is used to

describe an idiot or a group of idiots. It means to floss between

your ears with a cloth. It is negative

The Stray Sock

I have been trying to upload this little beaut, it keeps disconnecting. Come on luck!!!
One minute 53 seconds of sock rap hec.

Also showing at Ni Howdy_- the comic stylings of Paul Rodgers -

Brit Paul Sandwich Joke
Uploaded by ryanator

S.A. Bonus D.I.Y.

1. Stripping down your wife's hair dryer, adding a paint scrapper and turning it into a heat gun to remove glue and paint.

2. Getting your car moving when the clutch cable is broken at an intersection.

A. Turn off the car.

B. Green light prepare to time and turn the starter to get the car moving in gear

and your off. it is jerky it is slow and it will kill the battery.

New terms

"Lucky legs"(NZ), her legs are so thin she is lucky they don't snap off at the knee and get shoved up her arse.

" Ain't yer " (NZ) it ain't your fanny and it ain't your fanny.

" Interfucted" (CDN) Drunken Canadian version of cock-block. The term was created to refer

somewhat politely to the woman who eves dropped and interrupted the young Chinese woman

who was wondering/ complaining about her hairstyle, height and breast size to a (cough)

innocent male.

family planning

"Kids sleeping?"

"Yep. Yours?"

"Sort of. I can go out."

"Good."

"On my way."

Kev was standing and smoking when I got there. He handed me a Kirin and we sat down.

"I heard you coming." A reference to my scooter's squeaky brakes. "You should get that looked at."

"I know they're bad. People hear me coming. The horn works, too."

"Anne says that if I want to have another kid it's now or never."

"What? Now or never? Why?"

"That's what she said. It's now or never."

"Menopause?"

"Hunh? NO!"

"Now or never? So cut and dry? Any room for negotiation there? She's not even 28. Is she?"

Kev shrugged and shook his head. "I don't know."

"You don't know how old your wife is?", I asked.

"I don't know why she said now or never. She's a crazy person!"

"There must be some reason. Maybe so there's not a large age gap between siblings. What do you think?"

"Maybe. You guys had another baby right away."

"Yeah. But it's a lot more work. And Sandy's pretty helpful, you know, doing stuff."

"Sandy once said that having two kids is twice as much work as having one!"

"It is. You think you're busy now! You know how you look at your friends who don't have kids and fantasize about the oodles and oodles of free time they must be enjoying? Doing stuff?... Whenever they want?"

"Yeah?"

"When you have two kids you look at your friends who have only one kid and think about the kind of free time they must be having with just one kid!"

Kev rattles off a series of throaty giggles, raises his eyebrows and nods "I can imagine! I thought I'd like the next one in Canada."

"So you are having another one!"

"Not yet."

"But it's now or never, you said she said. You dispute this?"

"How do I get the wife to live in Canada?"

"Drugs? No! Tie her up!"

"Hmmm."

"If you conceive now then you'll have a summer baby again."

"What'll she do there?"

"Take care of the kids. She should teach Chinese."

"Yeah, she's not gonna go for that."

"Go for what?"

"Working."

"Retired is she?"

"Maybe."

"She can take care of the kids at least."

"When are you having your third?"

"That's not gonna happen."

"How can you be sure?"

"I got a vasectomy yesterday."

Kev winces. "You didn't. Did you?"

"They're cheap. I'm getting my teeth cleaned next week."

knocking the cover off the baseball

another of the myths they tested

mythbusters baseball myths

Mythbusters Baseball Program busts the myth of the corked bat. The bat filled with cork did not hit the ball as far as the regulation bat. In fact, the corked bat actually drove the ball half as far. Despite the televised experiments, there are plenty of dissenters in the comment area.

Third Grade science Cool moth found on school wall

Taiwan bugs... I have misplaced the paper with the name of this moth.. bet you can't find out what this special bug is called. If only I knew a latin-reading person to help me with the science.

not liking science is like not being cool

must watch. spiders on drugs. excellent experiment.

whatever you do don't watch this drunk girl trying to crush a beer can on her head

Babe Ruth

This real footage from the 20s and is part of the Ken Burns' Baseball documentary.

The Babe busts up a math class.

"Whaddya mean keeping these boys inside when there's baseball to played!"

baseball names

R: the IBAF should require teams to have nicknames.

K: who?

R: for the baseball teams. international teams should have nicknames representative of the countries' history, culture...

K: oh, the baseball. like what?

R: how about the spanish conquistadores? they could take the field with those funky metal hats and puffy pants, flanked by priests and crucifixes.

K: i see. the matadors would be better.

R: why?

K: tighter pants.

R: canada?

K: beavers!

R: leafs?

K: no, beavers.

R: the u.s.?

K: yankees. then the taiwanese would cheer for them.

R: good point. how about marines?

K: next.

R: japan.

K: adult comic books. sake? fish?

R: kamikazes.

K: fine. who else? korea kimchi!

R: hermits.

K: soju!

R: bi bim bap!

K: kimchi is better.

R: bi bim bap includes kimchi.

K: protesters! yeah!

R: australia?

K: beaches. crocs. i don't know. are you almost done?

R: thailand?

K: thailand plays baseball?

R: yeah. how about the kings?

K: or the lady boys. yeah!

R: holland?

K: smokers!

R: yes! cuba?

K: castros. commies. brett would say commies.

R: you're his bitch aren't you?

K: i'm leaving.

R: wait wait. panama?

K: panamaniacs!

R: diggers?

K: that's stupid.

R: mexico?

K: tacos.

R: mariachi.

K: sombreros. no wait, i change my answer. cerveza!

R: lemon wedges.

K: i gotta go. south africa got a team?

R: yep. the apartheid.

K: isn't that over? diamonds.

R: diamonds is good though they suck hard. italy?

K: marco polos!

R: romans.

K: no. ruins!

R: germany?

K: engineers.

R: venezuela.

K: i don't know where that is.

R: they have oil.

K: greasers!

R last one. taiwan.

K: hmmmm... kmt? islands?

R: islanders?

K: scooters. chewers.

R: formosan bears?

K: there you have it. thanks. i gotta go. anne's calling.

Third Grade science

My 10 cm grasshopper is going to make a jailbreak today. Here are some of the SUPERWORMs that will emerge from their Pupas to become beetles. Science is fun.

Real Newspaper Ads

Zoom in and have a laugh.

Tuna Salad Sandwich

song by Isto

Sky Blue

Light was kinda of a tricky term. Sky Blue is plenty vague, it suits that greyish blue colour

that appears from ashtrays. Here is a pic of the new, new packaging. The labeling is confusing

smokers. You know AJ has quit smoking for more than five months... when am I going to get on

that bus? How does one go about quitting?..... AGRHH! Today is the first day of winter, and I

need to eat ginger duck for my health. Oh yeah and I have a frigde full of Chang beer from RT-

Mart. But if I start now I could be successful by Jan.1..

Tuna

When Sandstress thought of me as a Tuna sandwich... I was not enthusiastic.. I think she meant

to say "if I was a steak.. I might look like this... or something rather..Like if Kevlar had to be a

fish steak, he would be a tuna steak. Her husband would be a deep fried Chinese breaded fish

pattie with greasy fries and a pickled egg.

all my friends are sandwiches

The other day I asked Sandy this question:

"If Kevin were a sandwich, which sandwich do you think he would be?"

She responded without hesitation, "Tuna."

"With the mercury?"

"Yes. He smokes."

"He's a good smoker."

"Loyal."

"He's one of the great smokers."

"Maybe. Definitely tunafish."

Then that same day we saw an episode of Larry David's Curb Your Enthusiasm in which Larry, rich and famous from his Seinfeld days and living in L.A., is at first thrilled when his favorite deli names a sandwich after him. So the Larry David goes up on the Big Board with other celebrities. You walk in, you order, you say I'll have a Larry David. Made Larry feel pretty proud until he finds out his sandwich is white fish, mayo and bean sprouts or something, He hates his own sandwich. So he tries to trade sandwiches with Ted Danson whose sandwich is really manly like a turkey pastrami and mustard or some classic... Great comedy ensues.

So I started thinking, what if all my friends were sandwiches?

My menu in progress:

The Kevin Gillis. The Kevlar. The Tunafish Gillis. Canned beer. Cheese is extra.

The Mellow Texan. Roast beef, garlic butter and chiles. Beer served before the meal.

or

The Drunk Texan. A gallon of beer.

The Tall Karl. A club, cause it's tall. No Hot Karls.

or

The Karlemagne. Fresh venison from Crown lands. Served with mead.

The Red A. Monte Cristo, Deep Fried Ham and Cheese. Your choice of imported beer.

or

The Brett O'Neil. Bologna and avocado. Two for one Vodka Cran's.

The AJ. Full breakfast. Coffee then beer.

The Ass Crack Cheeseburger. D-Wayne's specialty. Then brownies.

The Geezer. Brit Paul Fish n Chips. Tar-tar sauce and bitter melon. Beer and Keep it coming.

The Dean-o. Whatever's good in Jersey. Beer.

The BIG ELL. Salmon. Beer.

My brother. known round these parts as the BF. Wild Game.

That's it for now. I don't have so many friends.

All sandwiches served on Rye Bread unless otherwise requested.

Suggestions welcome for perhaps other more famous Taichung residents.

Or if you don't like your sandwich let me know what you should be cause when I rent the vacant Fubar in January you're all going up on the Big Board!

Just a think

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
"If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to treat everything as if it were a nail." -- Abraham Maslow

Taichung Urban Legend or maybe not

Spring Scream 2007, drugs, booze, and sex.

A white male carrying a back pack passes out from entertaining. If you are easily

disgusted STOP reading. For this is the legend known as "Broke Back Ruck Sack".

Entrusted to his friends care the drunken male slept away. A Taiwanese body builder

came on the scene and thought the white man held some signs of love. He took out his

dick and proceeded to skull fuck the white guy. The white guys friends took

pictures and laughed. Before the TW male shot his load, one of broke backs

friends thought he should tell the guy to stop.


Disturbed from my cheery beer I asked the woman telling me this story How she

heard this legend? To which she responded she met him last weekend. He was out with

his friends, and they were teasing him, with his new nick name "Broke Back Ruck

sack". To which I could only respond, "WHAT FRIENDS!!"


Said woman responded " It was rape" and this stuff happens to women.

But Christ Almighty that is just so NOT cool. A guy farts in your face while you

were asleep, Tea bagged by your roommate, but skull fucked by a stranger...

Faith Healing

I pitched up on the pitch of Morrison to play my first ever game of Namby Pamby.

OR I went to Morrison to play two hand touch Rugby.

The S.A.'s and the Kiwi talk about rugby so much. When asked for the tenth time

I said " I would think about it". I was willing to over look my late night draft

beers on Friday to play on Saturday afternoon.

I haven't been this sore since running the hundred meter dash against Mark McIssac

in the third grade. Rugby is a running sport, which requires a lot of ball movement

and ball-location-throw-catch-prediction. I like the ball, it is easy to catch, and

not so hard to throw in a spiral pattern with two hands. At some point I ran to get

score a try and the ball slipped out before I crossed the line. I blushed.

Saturday night I had a reason to shower and Ry and A.J. asked me to Fuber. I

picked up the Daughter and jumped in a cab. Sore muscles, but high from the events

of my day. I am anxious to play again. I spoke to John about playing touch on

Sunday, I got a tired drunken stare of "Are you drunken?".

It is Sunday and I wanna hit the pool, I might just brave the cool 23'

temperatures. I need this day to recover, pray for flexibility, my legs are so

stiff I have twice stubbed my toe and almost fell up-the-stairs

I guess I should report a Kevlar sighting, however brief it may have been. Kev and Kaia came by Fubar last night around 10:30, said hi and was gone again in an instant 'cause Kaia wouldn't agree to be shackled to the table. Go figure, she's two. Karl bought him a beer and I just had a chance to comment on his retina searing orange beach wear when he decided to take the little one home. No chance for dialogue. I suggested he get her home to bed, with her mom, and return to the bar for a drink but he looked at me like I was asking the impossible. I hope he can pencil me in sometime in December.

Big crowd for Angie's going away party. Faye and the Slacks played, but were done by the time I got there. I have never ever seen so many women at D-Wayne's bar nor do I think I ever will again as he's shutting it down in January.

Word is Karl's gonna open up a Chess Bar.

Or maybe John will open a Texas Style Chili Bar.

Or PJ's Expansion Irish Steak House Hair Care Center and Spa.

How to Kill Your Wife (video)

Halloween in Changhua 1999

People and Things

When you are on a bus and sick, you have to hide.

If someone stole your front wheel, it is good to have duct tape.

Who knew?

British Brett invited my family to his house warming, he thought I should read this book. My misses thought I should not be the last drunk guy at the party.
I met B.P., Shou, A.j. Sian, Red Karl, Alex-2-kids,Brett's Mum -grandma21-kids,Amber, Jade, Greg-single dad, Greg's Mum.. a bunch of other Proper English Lads.

Suprisingly the general consenus was that the rugby was great and the loss to the S.A Springboks was fine because of the quality of the match. The opposite of my work place where, They will take the win but it wasn't an interesting game.

I took plenty of flack for not answering my phone, I didn't have missed calls or messages..

The new house is new, and has a great view.

meduxnekeag river valley

late september

more pics from the home country, East Grand Lake, late September

Life and Death of a Pumpkin

Anyone who has ever killed a pumpkin or has even thought about it (you know who you are) should watch this really great short film.

by blamesociety films

local movies

This guy makes videos in Taichung City.

I haven't watched all of them of course but I checked this one out immediately

moon festival stripper

more recently, a typhoon krosa vid.

Violin Lessons

"Anne wants me to look into violin lessons for Kaia."

"Really?"

"Yeah, what do you think?"

"She's two."

"Yeah."

"Do you think she would like it?"

"I think she'd love it! But I'm not paying for it!"

"Isn't she a little young for structured music lessons?"

"Well, she never been to school."

"Sounds ambitious."

"Right. I could buy her a cheap violin for cheap and see if she takes to it first."

"You're so cheap."

"Yes!"

"Maybe piano lessons would go better."

"Maybe."

"Why doesn't Anne arrange it? She's fluent in Chinese."

"Yes! Yes I know."

"Well?"

"Well, I guess she's busy doing her sitting."

eli's dirty jokes episode 9, gorilla love

got my pink on

My kids are better now (knock on wood) but somehow this week I've been saddled with a cold, some nasty post nasal drip and not one, but two cases of pink eye!

I don't think I've ever had pink eye before. Apparently it's going around. Tons of reports (well, one that I heard) about pink eye this week.

The first from long, red (now dyed black) haired Aussie/Tasmanian Jerry, long time resident of the Xiang Shang market area (and formerly of Changhua) and sometimes brewer of his own brand of ciders and sod-y pops, militant vegetarian and die hard Chinese student, who also happens to work with Sandy... He said there was an outbreak somewhere on the island where 30,000 people were infected, in one place. In one place? What's that mean? One town? One city? One neighbourhood? Isn't Taiwan one place? Anyone hear anything about this? Anyone else getting their pink on?

By late this afternoon my 7th graders were pointing and inquiring about my "red eyes". I only responded that I was sick and assured them that, yes, I was taking medicine. They're called eye drops and they do wonders! Everybody write it down 'cause half of you are probably gonna get it too if it's as epidemic as Jerry says.

It was nice to have a legitimate story to relay about red eyes instead of the usual, "Teacher's tired." (not hung over) or "Teacher's got allergies. Al-ler-gies." (and hasn't been up half the night watching the first round of baseball playoffs) or "Teacher got bugs in his eyes". (and is in no way stoned 'cause that would be just wrong!)

Home Grown Produce

These pics are from September garden harvest in Western New Brunswick.

I love the cukes. I bought a couple today. I'm gonna have some cool cucumber sandwiches this week for lunch. I gotta lay off the Thai kitchen. It's sooo good but it's burning me up inside...

what do you call a slow 19th century chinese train?

a man - choo choo train!

Kevlar Sighting

They are rare these days but I had a 20 minute meeting with K-Dar the other day.

Text message from Kevlar received Thursday around noon. I looked at my phone around 12:20.

"What you doing? Wanna get coffee at 7"

My reply,

"OK which one?"

Then, after some time with no response, I sent:

"I got til one ten so tell me where you're gonna be."

He messaged back,

"Family Mart in 15",

meaning the Family Mart on Si Ping Rd. just a block off Zhong Qing, not far from Wei Dao. Deep into Bei Tun. Kevlar, now working waaay downtown at Yu Ren, was coming allll the up to see me. By Buddha's Lobes! I finished my peanut butter sandwich and made for the scooter.

Happy to have a different diversion at lunch time, I arrived in probably 12 minutes.

I should have made it 20.

After all, I was meeting Kevlar. And he was driving alll the way up from downtown. What was I thinking?

On the other hand, he does have that really fast motorcycle. But it's Kevlar, right? He's always late. He could well wind up transfixed by some construction site on Cheng De because they're pouring yellow cement. "Well, why would they be pouring yellow cement?" Tardiness be damned! I was prepared to wait. There was an excellent chance he'd have cigarettes.

While I was waiting I got a Mr. Brown and drank it outside. Having nothing to smoke, I called Sandy to see how the boys were doing. They have been fighting the germs from their new school and had been to see the doctor that morning. Ivo is sicker than Burl. He picked up a virus, and is on antibiotics for the next week or so. (Two days of meds and he's already getting better, no fevers!)

I had expected to Kevlar come roaring up on his blue Yamaha but instead he arrived on that dinky little scooter that Bread borrowed when he was here. I finished up talking to Sandy as Kevlar disappeared into the FM for a coffee. It was 1:50.

"Hey you all done your phone call?"

"Yeah."

"Talkin' business are ya?"

"Talkin' to Sandy. Boys went to see the doctor this morning."

"How's Ivo?"

"Pretty sick. Got a virus."

"Burl?"

"More of a cold. How's little Kaia?"

"Kaia likes to walk around the house carrying a stool. For climbing."

"Funny."

"I'm always picking up stuff, and sweeping!"

"I know what you mean."

"Kaia can take her clothes off and likes to run around naked."

"Just like her dad."

"Yeah, heh-heh-heh-heh-heh."

"Why are you riding the scooter? I expected to see you on the bike."

"I got a flat. Pushed it to get fixed yesterday, at three, the guy says come back at six.

"So what happened?"

"I went to pick it up and it wasn't done. Three of them sitting around the tire trying to figure out what to do with it! My Jesus! What's up with that?"

"Remedial mechanics. Tough luck."

"So they said it'd be til seven so I went over to NOVA."

"Shopping?"

"Looking, then I bought something. Yeah! So I went back, picked it up and drove away. An hour later? Flat! Idiots!!"

"Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"You laugh."

"That sucks."

"Anyway I couldn't be bothered with it today."

"You're late."

"I texted you at five to twelve, didn't hear back from you so went to 7-11 near school with a co-worker. We were drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes when you got back to me."

"Kinda like this."

"Just like this! I said sorry I gotta go, pal! People to see!"

"Jesus! Is that all you ever do at lunch time? And you've recruited your new co-workers to join you?"

"And they like to drink! On Fridays after work we get draft beer at a place near school. They have picnic tables for sitting!"

"So I hear you've been entertaining the teachers over there!"

"Wellll, getting to know people, you know?"

"I know the Friday night I got a call from D-Wayne 'cause Anne called Fubar looking for you. I think it was 10:30 or so. You didn't go home after work? You stayed out drinking and didn't bother to call your wife?"

"I lost track of the time. That was a late night. I got home pretty late."

"You don't even hang out at Fubar."

"Yeah, but she doesn't know that!"

"I see. you musta heard it."

"Oh, Christ you wanna talk about miserable."

"I gotta go."

"Right. I drove in the typhoon on Saturday! I had to work. Meet the parents. Not fun."

"Are you doing those song and dance routines at assemblies this year?"

"No! I have to write my first test though. They want it like this and like that. Eep!

"You'll figure it out."

"Did I tell you that I think the dwarf that beat up PJ is working at my school?"

"A dwarf beat up PJ?"

"Laid a good crackin' on him I guess."

"Yes, yes I remember D-Wayne was talking about it. He works with you?

"Yeah, he's just a little guy."

"Gotta go. Class in 5 minutes."

"Right. I got a 3 hour lunch. Well only 2 more now."

"Good seeing ya. Come for lunch some day."

"Oh, I wanted to tell you. I bought a TV recorder for my computer."

"Oh?"

"It will record the TV. I plug it into my computer and I can record show to my hard drive. Only 994 dollars! So now maybe I'll get to watch TV! I got a 19 inch screen so it shouldn't be too shabby!"

"And then burn?"

"I guess if you wanted to then you could. I just got it last night! I bought it to record Dora. (the Explorer- kids' show) It's just this little box that prongs right into the back of the computer..."

"Gotta run."

"See you. I gotta smoke some more and hi to Sandy!

"Come back and eat Thai food!"

Futurama movie coming

I'm so excited about this I posted it on that other blog too.

BENDER'S BIG SCORE trailer

oh the shame

post game wrap of sunday's mets loss to marlins. fans standing around looking stunned.

mets collapse

i've been reading about the new york mets today. it's like a train wreck. i just can't look away. the misery. it must be hell to be a mets fan right now.

if you don't follow baseball, they just blew a huge lead over last 3 weeks to miss the playoffs. they'd been in first place for most of the season.

by brother-in-law is one of those unfortunates who was fully expecting to see the mets in the playoffs this year. when sandy was on the phone with him last week i asked her to ask him about the mets' chances.

she said he said he was, "...remaining cautiously optimistic."

condolences to burton in new york.

bill simmons' 16 levels of losing has a new number one.

My sports influence revealed

Can you guess where he is from?

Ok, so there was a long history of bad blood. Ole Don just talked too much and

didn't wanna work. So he went the way of the highway.

Mulroney also went to school in the east.

The man who would become Canada's eighteenth Prime Minister was born Martin Brian

Mulroney on March 20, 1939 in Baie-Comeau, Quebec. He attended a private Catholic

high school in New Brunswick, then enrolled in Nova Scotia's St. Francis Xavier

University in 1955. While attending St. F-X, Mulroney began toying with the idea of

entering politics. He joined the Conservative Party shortly after arriving at St. F-

X, and campaigned for the party in the 1956 provincial election. In a rather

prescient event, Mulroney served as the Prime Minister of St. F-X's model

parliament. He graduated with honors in 1959, earning a political science degree.

classic spidey

this is the spidey i grew up watching.

i think an argument can be made for best super hero theme song ever. 1967.

it's got to be better than that na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na BATMAN! adam west theme song from the sixties.

black spidey

i liked the first two spidey movies but the third one is so crappy even the spoof of it is lame. from the how it should have ended.com crew

Antigonish Representin'!

u.s. presidents are interesting but you know what tops 'em?

that's right, canadian prime ministers. all that dynamic parliamentary system excitement crammed into just 140 years makes me wanna go buy beer! tall boys!

as a canadian it's amazing to me what i've forgotten over the years, or rather, more likely, never really knew about the p.m's.

so here's a little did you know list on canadian pms cribbed entirely from the wiki. (well, i did my own math so be wary)

pms are party leaders of the party that wins the most seats in the house of commons ( i actually knew that)

americans, and other non-canadianites, you can impress your canadian friends with this information so read on.

there have been 22 canadian pms up to incumbent stephen harper

he's the 3rd pm from alberta, all conservative and the 1st since joe clark in '79, who only did 9 months in the big chair

alberta pms have ruled a total of about 8 years

quebec (inc. lower canada) has had the most native born pms, 6

and the first native born pm, 3rd pm john abbott

quebec pms have ruled more than 60 years

ontario has also had 6 pms, but 3 were born outside canada, including the first pm john a. macdonald who was born in scotland and came to canada at age 5

ontario pms have ruled for close to 45 years

21 of those years belong to william lyon mackenzie king, the longest serving pm and the only one to serve 3 separate times. among many things, he was canada's WWII pm. he was all for appeasement and even met and admired hitler. he liked to be called 'rex'

wilfred laurier served 15 years consecutively, the record for canadian pms

our 2nd pm, alexander mackenzie, was also born in scotland and emigrated at 20

the 5th pm, sir mackenzie bowell, was born in england and moved at 9

the name 'mackenzie' is very popular with canadian pms

17th pm john turner was also born in england and moved at age 3. he's kinda from all over canada but represented quebec, i believe, in office. he took over after trudeau resigned and served only 2 and a half months, so i'm not counting him among quebec's 6 pms

moving west to east, bc has had one pm, kim campbell (and is it just me or does she look a lot like famously ugly 1st pm john a?), also the first and only female canadian pm, who took over from the then immensely unpopular brian mulroney in 1993. she held the office for about five months when jean chretien got elected starting his 10 year run

i met chretien in '91 at mount allison university in sackville.

saskatchewan has had one, john diefenbaker, for 6 years, '57 to '63

manitoba also has had one, arthur meighen, who served twice as pm for a total of almost two years, though he was never elected

new brunswick has never had a pm and unless frank mckenna decides to come out of retirement and throw his hat into the ring, we probably won't for while yet, if ever

pei, newfoundland and the northern territories have also never had a pm

nova scotia has had 3 though, the 4th, 6th and the 8th. john thompson (2 years), charles tupper (2 months) and robert borden (9 years). borden saw canada through WWI

which, finally, leads me to why i'm writing about canadian pms tonight instead of sleeping ...

sir john thompson was from halifax but as pm represented none other than the town of antigonish, which, for those of you who are regular readers will know, is the hometown of our very own kevlar!

sir john thompson served as john a. macdonald's minister of justice and was the one who ruled that canada's most famous rebel, louis riel, be hung for his part in the red river rebellion of 1869-70.

he became pm in 1892 and was the first roman catholic pm to boot. as pm, he traveled to paris to argue for canada vs. the u.s. over the bering strait seal harvest. the americans were demanding only u.s. boats be allowed in the bering sea to kill seals. thompson got a ruling in favor of canada. and we still, to this day, kill seals. good job, thompson!

he died in 1894 of a heart attack at windsor castle in england following a meeting with queen victoria in which she had just made him a member of her privy council.

he was the 2nd of 4 pms to die in office and the last.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

finally, kevlar, did you go to this high school? if so, are there really doctors in your family?

California Sandman. Know anyone from Cali?

From a creepy on-line urban dictionary.

California Sandman

Where you shit on a girls foot and she sticks it in ones mouth and the person who

got the crap in the mouth pukes in the girls v#g>*a, then, proceed with sex.

Usage:

1) Shut the hell up hoe. Before i give you a California Sandman.

2)Dude, your a faggot, you probably give California Sandmans to your mom!

Debbie does Dallas

1978’s Debbie Does Dallas (DDD) has become an iconic adult movie about a team of young cheerleaders attempting to earn enough money to try out for a football team’s cheerleading squad.
Debbie has spawned countless sequels and spinoffs making it one of the most successful and well known titles ever in the adult industry.

In March 2007, Vivid Entertainment, one of the world’s largest producers of adult entertainment, will release a remake featuring some of the most beautiful and well known women in today’s adult industry including Savannah Samson, Stefani Morgan, Sunny Leone and Cassidy. Debbie Does Dallas Again is a weekly, 30 minute all access backstage pass to the remaking of this movie – from the competitive casting search for the next hot Debbie, to the rantings of a grandiose director, to the money minded business man who just wants to get it done. Debbie Does Dallas Again uses humor to capture Vivid’s biggest production yet – with scores of beautiful women, pom poms and stiletto heeled cowboy boots!

Debbie Does Dallas Again is produced by World of Wonder Productions, producers of the critically acclaimed documentary The Eyes of Tammy Faye.


I have yet to see the orginal.

Football vs. Baseball

I remember this George Carlin bit from years ago. Good football analogies.

Cleveland Steamers and Hot Karls

I would normally never bring up this kind of thing but the other night we were watching Seth Macfarlane's Family Guy and we heard an expression we'd never heard before.

Peter was working as a prostitute on a street corner for some reason when his wife, Lois, pulled up. He offered her something called a Cleveland Steamer. A what? From Cleveland?

I had no clue so I had to wiki it. Here's the write up.

During the search, we also came across something called a Hot Karl.

Life's weird.

eli's dirty jokes # 7

a farmer and his daughters

"Shift Happens"

A video about gloabalization.. Just statistics

Like the smartest (high IQ) people in China make up 25% of its population.. Which is greater

than or equal to the population of the USA.

Here is the link to their WIKI page

no fuckin way i'm ridin' the bus!

I wonder what would happen if they tried this here.

Beijing drivers ignore No Car Day.

I not sure but I think it would have to be heavily enforced with cops on every corner like during air raid drills or you'd have cheaters everywhere.

more on wiffleball

the official rules of wiffle ball.

we always played with ghost runners, usually two players per team, a pitcher and a shagger on defense, two batters on offense. the extra batter would usually act as the catcher because we lacked a backstop. we called singles, doubles, triples or homers depending on where the ball was hit. anything not hit past the pitcher was an automatic out. anything caught in the air by either the shagger or the pitcher was also an out, even if it was hit in, say, the doubles zone. if the shagger dropped it, you were on. 3 outs per inning, 3 strikes per batter. strikes were called by the catcher who also acted as an umpire. this led to lots of contention, arguing balls and strikes. bread was the worst for talking trash, insisting every ball he threw was a strike, verbally abusing the catcher/umpire, batter, imploring with the shagger who invariably had to agree with him. alternately, he was the same on offense, a regular ty cobb. i'm glad we had ghost runners or else i'm sure he's have worn spikes and gashed my leg sliding into third, like the time he broke my toe playing football, or the time he tore off kevlar's fingernail warming up for a game at da yeh junior high. the destructor, the billy martin, the bread machine that kneads straight razors into the dough. if you've played anything competitively with bread you know what i'm talking about. the guy likes to win. anyway, nothing wrong with some fierce competition and i'm glad we played together. i just asked kevlar about some video of one of these afternoons but he said he doesn't have it. i know he does, though. he's just being ornery.

rye's bad joke of the day

put on a toque and some woolies 'cause this one is cold!

what does a poor cat say?

mei yo!

wiffleball

on wednesday afternoons we used to play wiffleball at the science museum park. (just over the wall from the temple by the OK on bo guan).

it was just bread and myself at first, but we soon recruited john to play. kevlar eventually joined the game too.

the grass is still worn at the plate and pitcher's 'mound' from the day we played in the rain, tearing up the turf.

a wiffleball is not easy to control, but if thrown correctly, it can be even more difficult to hit.

nobody i ever played with could throw the ball like this kid.

that's just insane.

Rainny Saturday

Red bananas 40nt, slow to ripen. The ball I fished out of the clogged washing machine drain. A little tube of cream I purchased after visiting AMVET pool.

haiku breakdown

for further reading on haiku, here's the wiki write up.

b day haiku

happy birthday kev.

all you can drink at joe's bar

will leave you shit faced.

shiretowners finish phantom 5th

well, that's it. finally.

fantasy baseball has reached its terminus, for me at least. we slugged it out with the bread machine this past week for 5th place. not that it means anything, in fact i think that since i won, bread will just get a higher draft pick next year. hmmm, i was wondering why he didn't start his pitchers the last few days...

meanwhile d-wayne and big ell won their semi-final match-ups to advance to the finals, which run for 2 weeks. good luck guys.

and thanks again to big ell for inviting me into the league. way too much fun.

now i've got to find something else to fantasize about 'til next april.

Kinder surprise, Foil Wrap, and other Sunday Asses

Sunday afternoon I walked, carrying my little swimmer to the AMVET pool.

Stopped at 7-11 to buy some drinks and cigs.

Arrived at the pool with 410 nt. I figured it was enough... well it cost 250 for an adult and 200 for a kid.

I left my wallet at home. I figured I would walk half way back

home and exchange the cigarettes for the 60 nt

and have enough for the pool.

While explaining to the woman why I didn't want the un-opened cigs anymore,

super-fast kid had peeled the foil, crushed the egg and was putting on her chocolate facial.

Damn!

Then I had to pay for the egg, tell her to stop punching numbers, "I want the cigarettes!".

The look on her face.

I was getting annoyed because it was a challenge to get my trooper packed and out of the house. Now I would have to return home to get some loose change....

Well the second attempt I used my favorite stroller.

Had a pleasant journey. Forked over the 450nt with a smile... and gave an " annoyed look" to the life guard when he told me my kid couldn't be in the lane swimming area.

450nt! i kinda hoped she would poo in the pool. (But I knew she did that before we went out).

Some kid about 15 years old (probably handicapped) was threatened by my presence and kept yelling (barking) something in Taiwanese at us when we were too close.

On my stroll home. Ran into Joe who pays 1600nt a month to swim at AMVET.

If Kinder surprise was not on the bottom shelf and AMVET cost so much ... my day would have been a little smoother.

fantasy update

shiretowners' lost last week to the rainiers in the first round of the playoffs, effectively eliminating them from championship contention. congrats and good luck to the rainiers. he's gonna need it as he goes on to play big ell in the next round. d-wayne disposed of bread and will play the camels.

rye plays bread in the 5th place game.

An essay on smoking

A 2000 word essay on smoking written by a smoker.








.

Saturday Night Poker

Thanks again to the host.
The big pot games of the night must have been "Between the Posts" and " 3. 9. Drop".

Between the posts
The Ante is 50-150nt. Players choose their bet based on the idea that the next card will be between two cards showing. After one round of the table, players may bet the pot. If the card turned matches the "post", the player must match double his bet. ( A few people agreed Bread would take our lunch money while playing this game.)

3.9. Drop
3 card drop guts with 3, 9's wild. Players that stay in after the drop may draw three cards. If there is only one player, he must beat the top three cards, and the deck may draw up to three cards. No limit, you lose match the pot.

A missing face, found on the internet