family planning

"Kids sleeping?"

"Yep. Yours?"

"Sort of. I can go out."

"Good."

"On my way."

Kev was standing and smoking when I got there. He handed me a Kirin and we sat down.

"I heard you coming." A reference to my scooter's squeaky brakes. "You should get that looked at."

"I know they're bad. People hear me coming. The horn works, too."

"Anne says that if I want to have another kid it's now or never."

"What? Now or never? Why?"

"That's what she said. It's now or never."

"Menopause?"

"Hunh? NO!"

"Now or never? So cut and dry? Any room for negotiation there? She's not even 28. Is she?"

Kev shrugged and shook his head. "I don't know."

"You don't know how old your wife is?", I asked.

"I don't know why she said now or never. She's a crazy person!"

"There must be some reason. Maybe so there's not a large age gap between siblings. What do you think?"

"Maybe. You guys had another baby right away."

"Yeah. But it's a lot more work. And Sandy's pretty helpful, you know, doing stuff."

"Sandy once said that having two kids is twice as much work as having one!"

"It is. You think you're busy now! You know how you look at your friends who don't have kids and fantasize about the oodles and oodles of free time they must be enjoying? Doing stuff?... Whenever they want?"

"Yeah?"

"When you have two kids you look at your friends who have only one kid and think about the kind of free time they must be having with just one kid!"

Kev rattles off a series of throaty giggles, raises his eyebrows and nods "I can imagine! I thought I'd like the next one in Canada."

"So you are having another one!"

"Not yet."

"But it's now or never, you said she said. You dispute this?"

"How do I get the wife to live in Canada?"

"Drugs? No! Tie her up!"

"Hmmm."

"If you conceive now then you'll have a summer baby again."

"What'll she do there?"

"Take care of the kids. She should teach Chinese."

"Yeah, she's not gonna go for that."

"Go for what?"

"Working."

"Retired is she?"

"Maybe."

"She can take care of the kids at least."

"When are you having your third?"

"That's not gonna happen."

"How can you be sure?"

"I got a vasectomy yesterday."

Kev winces. "You didn't. Did you?"

"They're cheap. I'm getting my teeth cleaned next week."