Sunday, September 30

Antigonish Representin'!

u.s. presidents are interesting but you know what tops 'em?

that's right, canadian prime ministers. all that dynamic parliamentary system excitement crammed into just 140 years makes me wanna go buy beer! tall boys!

as a canadian it's amazing to me what i've forgotten over the years, or rather, more likely, never really knew about the p.m's.

so here's a little did you know list on canadian pms cribbed entirely from the wiki. (well, i did my own math so be wary)

pms are party leaders of the party that wins the most seats in the house of commons ( i actually knew that)

americans, and other non-canadianites, you can impress your canadian friends with this information so read on.

there have been 22 canadian pms up to incumbent stephen harper

he's the 3rd pm from alberta, all conservative and the 1st since joe clark in '79, who only did 9 months in the big chair

alberta pms have ruled a total of about 8 years

quebec (inc. lower canada) has had the most native born pms, 6

and the first native born pm, 3rd pm john abbott

quebec pms have ruled more than 60 years

ontario has also had 6 pms, but 3 were born outside canada, including the first pm john a. macdonald who was born in scotland and came to canada at age 5

ontario pms have ruled for close to 45 years

21 of those years belong to william lyon mackenzie king, the longest serving pm and the only one to serve 3 separate times. among many things, he was canada's WWII pm. he was all for appeasement and even met and admired hitler. he liked to be called 'rex'

wilfred laurier served 15 years consecutively, the record for canadian pms

our 2nd pm, alexander mackenzie, was also born in scotland and emigrated at 20

the 5th pm, sir mackenzie bowell, was born in england and moved at 9

the name 'mackenzie' is very popular with canadian pms

17th pm john turner was also born in england and moved at age 3. he's kinda from all over canada but represented quebec, i believe, in office. he took over after trudeau resigned and served only 2 and a half months, so i'm not counting him among quebec's 6 pms

moving west to east, bc has had one pm, kim campbell (and is it just me or does she look a lot like famously ugly 1st pm john a?), also the first and only female canadian pm, who took over from the then immensely unpopular brian mulroney in 1993. she held the office for about five months when jean chretien got elected starting his 10 year run

i met chretien in '91 at mount allison university in sackville.

saskatchewan has had one, john diefenbaker, for 6 years, '57 to '63

manitoba also has had one, arthur meighen, who served twice as pm for a total of almost two years, though he was never elected

new brunswick has never had a pm and unless frank mckenna decides to come out of retirement and throw his hat into the ring, we probably won't for while yet, if ever

pei, newfoundland and the northern territories have also never had a pm

nova scotia has had 3 though, the 4th, 6th and the 8th. john thompson (2 years), charles tupper (2 months) and robert borden (9 years). borden saw canada through WWI

which, finally, leads me to why i'm writing about canadian pms tonight instead of sleeping ...

sir john thompson was from halifax but as pm represented none other than the town of antigonish, which, for those of you who are regular readers will know, is the hometown of our very own kevlar!

sir john thompson served as john a. macdonald's minister of justice and was the one who ruled that canada's most famous rebel, louis riel, be hung for his part in the red river rebellion of 1869-70.

he became pm in 1892 and was the first roman catholic pm to boot. as pm, he traveled to paris to argue for canada vs. the u.s. over the bering strait seal harvest. the americans were demanding only u.s. boats be allowed in the bering sea to kill seals. thompson got a ruling in favor of canada. and we still, to this day, kill seals. good job, thompson!

he died in 1894 of a heart attack at windsor castle in england following a meeting with queen victoria in which she had just made him a member of her privy council.

he was the 2nd of 4 pms to die in office and the last.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

finally, kevlar, did you go to this high school? if so, are there really doctors in your family?

California Sandman. Know anyone from Cali?

From a creepy on-line urban dictionary.

California Sandman

Where you shit on a girls foot and she sticks it in ones mouth and the person who

got the crap in the mouth pukes in the girls v#g>*a, then, proceed with sex.

Usage:

1) Shut the hell up hoe. Before i give you a California Sandman.

2)Dude, your a faggot, you probably give California Sandmans to your mom!

Debbie does Dallas

1978’s Debbie Does Dallas (DDD) has become an iconic adult movie about a team of young cheerleaders attempting to earn enough money to try out for a football team’s cheerleading squad.
Debbie has spawned countless sequels and spinoffs making it one of the most successful and well known titles ever in the adult industry.

In March 2007, Vivid Entertainment, one of the world’s largest producers of adult entertainment, will release a remake featuring some of the most beautiful and well known women in today’s adult industry including Savannah Samson, Stefani Morgan, Sunny Leone and Cassidy. Debbie Does Dallas Again is a weekly, 30 minute all access backstage pass to the remaking of this movie – from the competitive casting search for the next hot Debbie, to the rantings of a grandiose director, to the money minded business man who just wants to get it done. Debbie Does Dallas Again uses humor to capture Vivid’s biggest production yet – with scores of beautiful women, pom poms and stiletto heeled cowboy boots!

Debbie Does Dallas Again is produced by World of Wonder Productions, producers of the critically acclaimed documentary The Eyes of Tammy Faye.


I have yet to see the orginal.

Football vs. Baseball

I remember this George Carlin bit from years ago. Good football analogies.

Saturday, September 29

Cleveland Steamers and Hot Karls

I would normally never bring up this kind of thing but the other night we were watching Seth Macfarlane's Family Guy and we heard an expression we'd never heard before.

Peter was working as a prostitute on a street corner for some reason when his wife, Lois, pulled up. He offered her something called a Cleveland Steamer. A what? From Cleveland?

I had no clue so I had to wiki it. Here's the write up.

During the search, we also came across something called a Hot Karl.

Life's weird.

Thursday, September 27

eli's dirty jokes # 7

a farmer and his daughters

Wednesday, September 26

"Shift Happens"



A video about gloabalization.. Just statistics

Like the smartest (high IQ) people in China make up 25% of its population.. Which is greater

than or equal to the population of the USA.

Here is the link to their WIKI page

Tuesday, September 25

no fuckin way i'm ridin' the bus!

I wonder what would happen if they tried this here.

Beijing drivers ignore No Car Day.

I not sure but I think it would have to be heavily enforced with cops on every corner like during air raid drills or you'd have cheaters everywhere.

more on wiffleball


the official rules of wiffle ball.

we always played with ghost runners, usually two players per team, a pitcher and a shagger on defense, two batters on offense. the extra batter would usually act as the catcher because we lacked a backstop. we called singles, doubles, triples or homers depending on where the ball was hit. anything not hit past the pitcher was an automatic out. anything caught in the air by either the shagger or the pitcher was also an out, even if it was hit in, say, the doubles zone. if the shagger dropped it, you were on. 3 outs per inning, 3 strikes per batter. strikes were called by the catcher who also acted as an umpire. this led to lots of contention, arguing balls and strikes. bread was the worst for talking trash, insisting every ball he threw was a strike, verbally abusing the catcher/umpire, batter, imploring with the shagger who invariably had to agree with him. alternately, he was the same on offense, a regular ty cobb. i'm glad we had ghost runners or else i'm sure he's have worn spikes and gashed my leg sliding into third, like the time he broke my toe playing football, or the time he tore off kevlar's fingernail warming up for a game at da yeh junior high. the destructor, the billy martin, the bread machine that kneads straight razors into the dough. if you've played anything competitively with bread you know what i'm talking about. the guy likes to win. anyway, nothing wrong with some fierce competition and i'm glad we played together. i just asked kevlar about some video of one of these afternoons but he said he doesn't have it. i know he does, though. he's just being ornery.

rye's bad joke of the day

put on a toque and some woolies 'cause this one is cold!

what does a poor cat say?

mei yo!

Monday, September 24

wiffleball



on wednesday afternoons we used to play wiffleball at the science museum park. (just over the wall from the temple by the OK on bo guan).

it was just bread and myself at first, but we soon recruited john to play. kevlar eventually joined the game too.

the grass is still worn at the plate and pitcher's 'mound' from the day we played in the rain, tearing up the turf.

a wiffleball is not easy to control, but if thrown correctly, it can be even more difficult to hit.

nobody i ever played with could throw the ball like this kid.

that's just insane.

Saturday, September 22

Rainny Saturday




Red bananas 40nt, slow to ripen. The ball I fished out of the clogged washing machine drain. A little tube of cream I purchased after visiting AMVET pool.

Friday, September 21

haiku breakdown

for further reading on haiku, here's the wiki write up.

Wednesday, September 19

b day haiku


happy birthday kev.

all you can drink at joe's bar

will leave you shit faced.

Tuesday, September 18

shiretowners finish phantom 5th

well, that's it. finally.

fantasy baseball has reached its terminus, for me at least. we slugged it out with the bread machine this past week for 5th place. not that it means anything, in fact i think that since i won, bread will just get a higher draft pick next year. hmmm, i was wondering why he didn't start his pitchers the last few days...

meanwhile d-wayne and big ell won their semi-final match-ups to advance to the finals, which run for 2 weeks. good luck guys.

and thanks again to big ell for inviting me into the league. way too much fun.

now i've got to find something else to fantasize about 'til next april.

Sunday, September 16

Kinder surprise, Foil Wrap, and other Sunday Asses


Sunday afternoon I walked, carrying my little swimmer to the AMVET pool.

Stopped at 7-11 to buy some drinks and cigs.

Arrived at the pool with 410 nt. I figured it was enough... well it cost 250 for an adult and 200 for a kid.
I left my wallet at home. I figured I would walk half way back
home and exchange the cigarettes for the 60 nt
and have enough for the pool.

While explaining to the woman why I didn't want the un-opened cigs anymore,
super-fast kid had peeled the foil, crushed the egg and was putting on her chocolate facial.

Damn!

Then I had to pay for the egg, tell her to stop punching numbers, "I want the cigarettes!".

The look on her face.

I was getting annoyed because it was a challenge to get my trooper packed and out of the house. Now I would have to return home to get some loose change....

Well the second attempt I used my favorite stroller.
Had a pleasant journey. Forked over the 450nt with a smile... and gave an " annoyed look" to the life guard when he told me my kid couldn't be in the lane swimming area.

450nt! i kinda hoped she would poo in the pool. (But I knew she did that before we went out).

Some kid about 15 years old (probably handicapped) was threatened by my presence and kept yelling (barking) something in Taiwanese at us when we were too close.

On my stroll home. Ran into Joe who pays 1600nt a month to swim at AMVET.

If Kinder surprise was not on the bottom shelf and AMVET cost so much ... my day would have been a little smoother.

Tuesday, September 11

fantasy update

shiretowners' lost last week to the rainiers in the first round of the playoffs, effectively eliminating them from championship contention. congrats and good luck to the rainiers. he's gonna need it as he goes on to play big ell in the next round. d-wayne disposed of bread and will play the camels.

rye plays bread in the 5th place game.

Sunday, September 9

An essay on smoking

A 2000 word essay on smoking written by a smoker.








.

Saturday Night Poker

Thanks again to the host.
The big pot games of the night must have been "Between the Posts" and " 3. 9. Drop".

Between the posts
The Ante is 50-150nt. Players choose their bet based on the idea that the next card will be between two cards showing. After one round of the table, players may bet the pot. If the card turned matches the "post", the player must match double his bet. ( A few people agreed Bread would take our lunch money while playing this game.)

3.9. Drop
3 card drop guts with 3, 9's wild. Players that stay in after the drop may draw three cards. If there is only one player, he must beat the top three cards, and the deck may draw up to three cards. No limit, you lose match the pot.


A missing face, found on the internet

Saturday, September 8

Big wheels


The bike has only moved for the mop. Guess my daughter is only interested in riding one when her cousin is speeding around the yard.

My new cell phone Nokia 5200. I don't know what it can do, but it must be better than the STUPID nokia 7610.

The comparison sheet from Nokia

Monday, September 3

shiretowners' cinderella season continues into the playoffs

the regular season is over in big ell's fantasy baseball league.

big ell's yanks finished first followed by the camels in second.

d-wayne's marauders took third and rye's shiretowners took fourth place. boo-yah!

the rainiers ended up in fifth and brett's stros fell to sixth during the last week of play.

playoffs start this week - d-wayne plays bread and the shiretowners take on the rainiers to see who will advance to the semi finals against the top two teams.

go shiretowners!

Don't throw rocks at my bike!




You shouldn't throw rocks at my bike.


** 'Cause it might be yours!


The wife insists the two year old needs a bike. The bikes are 1600 nt at Carrefour.
After using my poker winnings to pay my phone bills, water, gas and ADSL. I got nothing to buy a bike.


This one cost me 120 for paint. The trash collectors in my basement said I could have it.
I was tempted to paint it with chalkboard green paint.


When the young guy at the scooter shop blew out a tube,
I had to go to the cranky old guy who fixes bikes....
he charged me 200 for a tube.. PRICK. But What can you do?

Sunday, September 2

saturday night poker at karlemagne's

karl should have charged admission for the poker game last night at his house 'cause it was a sold out show. he even gave up his seat for an hour to go surf porn.

i don't get out much so for me it was an enlightening, though not profitable, excursion.

here are some things i learned...

-kevlar never answers his phone. don't even try.

- the location of poker chips can be deceptive. just because you were the last one to host doesn't mean they are necessarily still in your house. in all likelihood, kevlar has them.

- kevlar can find, answer and talk on his cell phone while riding his motorcycle with the help of specially designed helmet.

- a j got back a couple of days ago. he's giving up chewing tobacco.

- cocaine and heroin are acceptable substitutes for weaning oneself off the snuff.

- the legendary michael turton is a pretty friendly guy.

- the poker chips were in a green box in a white carrefour bag in the back room buried deep beneath karl's porn collection.

- there were 9 players.

- 2 were thin.

- 5 smoked. and aaron bummed.

- everyone drank beer.

- no one drank cranberry juice.

- 8 are married.

- 5 have kids.

- english brett was the last to show up.

- john had church.

- karl gave up his seat for english brett.

- that seat got good cards all night.

- karl disappeared into the back room for about an hour.

- michael turton was born in cleveland, oh.

- someone brought vegetarian squid which may or may not have been made from cheese. karl liked it.

- he made tex-mex popcorn.

- english brett buttons his flowered shirts all the way to the top.

- aaron got a new haircut.

- he had till 2 to stay out.

- single guys have no idea what it's like to be married.

- michael turton told a couple of pretty funny jokes.

- everyone talked all the time, all at the same time.

- sam was the loudest.

- karl has a big ass axis & allies board.

- it got big ell, sam and michael turton out of their seats.

- michael turton's board is 50% bigger than karl's.

- they're playing today at 7.

- sam likes to play the u.s.

- michael turton likes germany because it's a challenge.

- malv plays slowly.

- the fantasy football draft is today.

- a j inherited jerry's team.

- big ell got pimp's.

- lance is drafting from america.

- some people aren't too happy about this.

- at least one person at the table has had a vasectomy.

- another wants one.

- they're cheap in taiwan.

- cheaper if you don't get the anesthetic.

- english brett talks funny.

- big ell and his wife are having a new baby in 3 weeks.

- it's a girl! no, wait, it's a boy! no, it's a girl!

- he's moving back to calgary in january.

- fantasy baseball is the real man's fantasy game.

- big ell's yankees are having an unprecedentedly successful season.

- the shiretowners may well make the playoffs.

- aaron had a pretty good neck beard going.

- he wore his n y jets t-shirt.

- michael turton left early.

- sam is still talking.

- he called gay 5 card stud. queens were wild. no straights.

- he once did stand up.

- he really liked michael turton.

- for a while i called aaron noah 'cause he always seemed to have a boat.

- a j was chopped liver to sam.

- sam likes chopped liver.

- sam ate a lot of a j's mints and pringles.

- a j asked sam if he had brought anything to share.

- rye's cards sucked. some of them had nipples.

- big ell went to get beer when he sat out of don's game, which is a notoriously long game.

- don's game was over in 6 minutes.

- kevlar changed his pants in karl's living room.

- a j actually misses the kevlar / rye conversations!

- at one point, aaron looked at karl and said he was so horny.

- somewhere, out there, there's a GILF site.

- i learned what a "glory hole" is.

- aaron knew a lot about them.

- don't take panadol when drinking. it'll kill your liver.

- aaron and brett shared a pint of jim beam.

- sam's dating a mormon girl.

- if they get married, when they die they'll get their own planet to rule.

- it's still "2 and only 2", wagadoodoo style.

- kevlar made fun of my corona.

- karl's house is going to smell like smoke for a long, long time.

- i left before iron cross.

anybody know how that went?

Cricket bats

I have spent a few" handles" of beer listening to the merits of cricket. Last night at poker I had the fortune to ask English Brett " What is a cricket bat made from"? He told me "Yew trees", he expected me to understand.
I told I would look it up.


Uses for yew trees
Yew is a resilient tree which will tolerate a lot of shade and withstand smoke and

salty winds. Yew wood is amongst the densest of all conifers and is elastic so was

once used for making long bows, spears and dagger handles.

An important anti-cancer drug is produced from yew hedge clippings.


Cricket bats are no longer made from springy yew wood.

Yew wood is a slow growing species in the U.K.. Perhaps it not grow commercially.



Could the elastic qualities of yew wood baseball bats be marketable?


What are the MLB rules for wood types for bat construction?



After a five minute search....



Did you know there is a baseball research institute?

After May 2006, they have approved which bats and balls can be used in MLB.

Is it clear?


Can you identify this object.
Give up?
How about a hint..
It is on sale. It brightens up your office and cost between 3000 to 3500 USD.
Link to the site, I wanted to see a picture of a vivarium.

Bug Killer

My new little friend offered to take care of the pesky ant problem. I saw on the web that it won't attack anything larger than itself.

The Mantis has excellent eyesight, can rotate it's head 360' and watches me closely when we are in the same room.

Orginally I pulled him from the rice pattie to bring in for my third grade science class. But it is just too cool to watch. Oh well the kids can help me name and feed it.

I hope "little Johnny" doesn't freak "teacher! a bug, kill it, kill it.." little girls crying, boys screaming, mayhem, shelves falling., ashtrays knocked over, shoes burning..

Saturday, September 1

Canadians in Taiwan.

Proportion of Foreigners teaching English by home country population.

1 in every 741,289 Japanese

1 in every 465,116 Americans

1 in every 266,666 Irishmen

1 in every 184, 263 Australians

1 in every 83,333 South Africans

1 in every 46,511 New Zealanders

1 in every 28,571 Canadians

Why are there so many Canadians?

I would have to say I came here after being unable to land a decent job in Canada.

Scott Summers's post basically stated there are so many Canadians because an arts degree is un-remarkable in the Canadian job market. The Canadian ex-pat population in Taiwan is less employable in Canada.

Somewhere I read that overseas language teaching is only recognized as an marketable achievement in the U.A.E.

I think we always knew we were not so different from the "FREAKY" ex-pats