south america dreamin'

first let me say that i fully support and encourage fantasy on every level.

however, while i can appreciate kevlar's desire to pick up stakes and move to south america, one must remember that life in bread's world does not necessarily translate into greener pastures for the rest of us mere mortals for several reasons....

1. we are married with kids and slaves to our jobs.

2. we are not snappy dressers like bread is.

3.wherever bread travels he is popular with the ladies. south america is not an anomaly. he's got a knack...

for examples, "you guys, eastern european women rule, especially the estonians..."

or "...spanish chicks are like paella, easy to make..."

or "...you wouldn't believe how much pussy i got in chad..."

or "...gee, kevin your chinese teacher came on to me..." and the list goes on and on...

4. bread speaks spanish. when he was here he spoke mandarin. the point being he communicates in the languages of the honeys. that's gotta help. how's yer spanish kevlar?

5. no fear. bread has the confidence of a sailor on permanent shore leave or an elephant in a peanut factory. a hippo in a swimming pool or john on tall boys on a sunday afternoon...

6. bread doesn't have any back hair. that's gotta be a positive when hanging on the beach.

so take a deep breath kevlar, close your eyes and picture yourself on a beach in south america with all kinds of honey pies kneading lotion into your thighs, smoke in one hand, beer in the other... it'll be better than the real thing, trust me...

*is it too early for a drink 'cause i'm sounding way too sober for my liking.