all the tools in china

we've been inundated with letters of late demanding an update on what kevlar's been jawin about. DV changed his name to VERN and moved to the mailroom to sort out the mess.

K: what are you doing?

R: i'm prepping for the new interview.

K: what new interview?

R: when you signed on you agreed to do a new in depth Q & A every month.

K: fuck off, no i didn't.

R: uh yeah you did. read the fine print amigo.

K: i'll do it for some rum then.

R: alright then there's your rum.

K: gee thanks. that was some quick.

R: yeah well we're all about efficiency here you know.

K: so speaking of amigos, did you read bread's email?

R: sure did. wow.

K: yeah, wow. i told you so didn't i?

R: yeah well it took me a day or so to remember to read it.

K: oh i read em quick quick like. i got an rss feed on them.

R: i asked him if i could publish it.

K: you lie.

R: ok so i just figured he'd say no.

K: oh what was your first clue or was it the message at the bottom, DELETE THIS AFTER READING? i'm gonna go read it again sometime when the wife's sleeping.

R: mine self destructed. so what's the bread update? where's he been?

K: chili.

R: chile, don't you mean.

K: oh whatever, I say chili. bread went to chili. it was hot down there.

R: 'cause it's summer there?

K: hot and spicy! like a bald titty! you got any more rum?

R: there you go.

K: thanks. some quick.

R: yep.

K: can i go now?

R: we haven't really started the interview yet.

K: well, hurry up. i gotta go, the wife's calling you know...

R: any predictions for the new year?

K: i think that the blue pistol won't make it through the year..

R: your beloved motorcycle...

K: yes, yes your neighbour - worst parker ever - knocked it over 2 weeks ago. Now the odometer is fucked and it rattles when i ride. so annoying..

R: that cant kill a bike...

K: well that and other things...

R: anything else?

K: you will have a baby next month!

R: yes! wow. you wanna think outside the tool box for a minute there boy genius?

K: no can do.

R: did you know some lady chased sandy for a block the other day?

K: how come?

R: to try to sell her some diet pills.

K: ha! 8 months preggers! diet pills! ha! only in taiwan!

R: i was surprised but not really, you know?

K: taiwanese salespeople are persistent.. ok let's end it here then. you're rum dumb.

R: one more!

K: let's hear it then, i gotta get going...

R: you got a bag of baby clothes from aaron, how'd that work out for kaia?

K: good. great. aaron wouldn't give me any beer though.

R: oh no?

K: no, didn't even invite me inside his house. his home! that palace! he has my ladder!

R: well, he doesn't have all that beer anymore you know..

K: oh it's there. i know it's there, lining the walls like carpeting...

R: we had a play date there a few weeks ago with tom and his daughter... he gave me 2 tall boy heiferweissens and cool coors light for the road... it was awesome.

K: did you see my ladder there?

R: no. don't think so. steep stairs though...

K: bastard.

R: who?

K: bastards!

R: those cases of tasty micro brew are long gone, let it go...

K: oh they're there, they're there... my ladder too! ! we'll pick this up manana!

R: ok part 2 manana ou la prochaine...