if you hated kevlar the student, you'll love roof top kevlar!
Monday, April 23
Friday, April 20
news from the plantation
or, more reasons to never work at wei dao...
last friday the 13th, a very pregnant co-worker of mine, a taiwanese citizen, went on maternity leave as her baby was due on monday. by law she is entitled to something like 56 days paid leave on either side of the birth... as of right now the baby still hasn't been born and yesterday, the dean of personnel here at psycho high, ostensibly a "catholic" school, was furious that she hadn't yet delivered the baby and ordered her back to work today. i shit you not. back to work slave! good god! and get this, she actually came. blows my mind! she's teaching right now while her husband, who was scheduled to have covered her classes, sits in the office. she can barely move. for the record, our supervisor did nothing to back her up and just tries to cover this dickensian move with more of her lies, "no this is normal, all taiwanese women do this..." bullshit they do...and our director, captain useless just sits aroud his office all day playing solitaire waiting for feeding times....
while i i'm on the subject, i missed a couple days of work when my son was born and did some research online to find out about paternity leave. by law, new fathers are to be given 2 days paid leave... by law... i printed it out and showed my supervisor and the director as they smiled and pretended to be concerned about my situation... after all, i have a young family and missed a lot of classes on those days...
the answer i got back?
"ryan, because we are a private school, we don't have to follow the law."
"so i won't get paid? eventhough by law the school is required to pay me?"
"that's right. sorry."
big smiles.
my situation barely merited blogging but the one with co-worker certainly does. i hope she gives birth this afternoon in the 3rd floor lobby of the language center! i'll cut the fuckin umbilical!
this wins hands down as the cruelest, most black hearted authoritarian decree ever at school i've worked at...
dumber than when the government deported my 18 month old son last summer...
fuckers.
last friday the 13th, a very pregnant co-worker of mine, a taiwanese citizen, went on maternity leave as her baby was due on monday. by law she is entitled to something like 56 days paid leave on either side of the birth... as of right now the baby still hasn't been born and yesterday, the dean of personnel here at psycho high, ostensibly a "catholic" school, was furious that she hadn't yet delivered the baby and ordered her back to work today. i shit you not. back to work slave! good god! and get this, she actually came. blows my mind! she's teaching right now while her husband, who was scheduled to have covered her classes, sits in the office. she can barely move. for the record, our supervisor did nothing to back her up and just tries to cover this dickensian move with more of her lies, "no this is normal, all taiwanese women do this..." bullshit they do...and our director, captain useless just sits aroud his office all day playing solitaire waiting for feeding times....
while i i'm on the subject, i missed a couple days of work when my son was born and did some research online to find out about paternity leave. by law, new fathers are to be given 2 days paid leave... by law... i printed it out and showed my supervisor and the director as they smiled and pretended to be concerned about my situation... after all, i have a young family and missed a lot of classes on those days...
the answer i got back?
"ryan, because we are a private school, we don't have to follow the law."
"so i won't get paid? eventhough by law the school is required to pay me?"
"that's right. sorry."
big smiles.
my situation barely merited blogging but the one with co-worker certainly does. i hope she gives birth this afternoon in the 3rd floor lobby of the language center! i'll cut the fuckin umbilical!
this wins hands down as the cruelest, most black hearted authoritarian decree ever at school i've worked at...
dumber than when the government deported my 18 month old son last summer...
fuckers.
Monday, April 16
hair sandwich
like i said in the last post, kevlar has been really uppity lately about his hair. it's fluffier than usual, almost feathery in it's appearance. he struts around the office at flinging his locks "...like he's in a hair commercial." in fact, he's so confident that he's taken to dissing my hair! this is what he said to me the other day...
K: hey rye, what are you gonna do about that bald spot on the back of your head?
R: i don't know, what are you gonna do about those buck teeth?
K: shut up!
R: listen, bread is coming back.
K: yeah, you said.
R: he's coming may 20th for 10 days.
K: what? it's april buddy! ... fuck you!
R: yes, i know it's april.
K: that's in 4 days.
R: he's coming in may! may!
K: you said april.
R: no, i said may! dick! anyway, when he gets here he's gonna put your hair to shame so you better stop strutin' around like you're the cock of the walk.
K: at least i know better than to grow pubes on my face!
R: now that's just mean.
K: i'm not sorry!
R; you know what i think? i think you're projecting your own hair anxieties on to others. i could have an afro in a matter of months!
K: yeah well you do that.
R: maybe i will. didn't you have something to say about your last haircut?
K: yeah, she used a bowie knife instead of scissors. she didn't really cut it, she just kind of chopped.
R: sheesh. you're a liar.
K: this really happened. i shit you not. you know rye, if i spent any more time on my hair, i'd be at work a lot less...
R: i don't know what that's supposed to mean. i see you have been wearing jeans lately. i don't think any of our friends have ever seen you jeans.
K: yeah, i look pretty good too, huh?
R: you're just wearing them 'cause bread's coming back.
K: and at work we have this new wear tight pants policy instituted by that head teacher.
R: and you'll be rewarded for that.
K: how?
R: maybe you'll get a fruit basket. or a certificate of ass appreciation. which would you prefer?
K: some appreciation would be nice, i know aaron really likes my body...
R: i remember. if he had your body, he'd be getting laid all the time.
K: and if i had his brain, i'd put to better use.
R: better than what he does with it? i doubt it.
K: oh yeah! maybe we should switch bodies for a week.
R: i bet he'd be into that, wife swapping and all that.
K: oh yeah!
R; wouldn't you be jealous of him with your wife?
K: yeah well, the joke'd be on him, my wife won't touch me!
R: did you see the pics he put up of his wife's foot infections?
K: no.
R: not for sensitive viewers.
K: oh. i wasn't sure which way you were going with that.
R: again you're projecting your own fetishes on to me.
K: i hate you!
R: why aren't you happy? bread's coming!
K: hey rye, what are you gonna do about that bald spot on the back of your head?
R: i don't know, what are you gonna do about those buck teeth?
K: shut up!
R: listen, bread is coming back.
K: yeah, you said.
R: he's coming may 20th for 10 days.
K: what? it's april buddy! ... fuck you!
R: yes, i know it's april.
K: that's in 4 days.
R: he's coming in may! may!
K: you said april.
R: no, i said may! dick! anyway, when he gets here he's gonna put your hair to shame so you better stop strutin' around like you're the cock of the walk.
K: at least i know better than to grow pubes on my face!
R: now that's just mean.
K: i'm not sorry!
R; you know what i think? i think you're projecting your own hair anxieties on to others. i could have an afro in a matter of months!
K: yeah well you do that.
R: maybe i will. didn't you have something to say about your last haircut?
K: yeah, she used a bowie knife instead of scissors. she didn't really cut it, she just kind of chopped.
R: sheesh. you're a liar.
K: this really happened. i shit you not. you know rye, if i spent any more time on my hair, i'd be at work a lot less...
R: i don't know what that's supposed to mean. i see you have been wearing jeans lately. i don't think any of our friends have ever seen you jeans.
K: yeah, i look pretty good too, huh?
R: you're just wearing them 'cause bread's coming back.
K: and at work we have this new wear tight pants policy instituted by that head teacher.
R: and you'll be rewarded for that.
K: how?
R: maybe you'll get a fruit basket. or a certificate of ass appreciation. which would you prefer?
K: some appreciation would be nice, i know aaron really likes my body...
R: i remember. if he had your body, he'd be getting laid all the time.
K: and if i had his brain, i'd put to better use.
R: better than what he does with it? i doubt it.
K: oh yeah! maybe we should switch bodies for a week.
R: i bet he'd be into that, wife swapping and all that.
K: oh yeah!
R; wouldn't you be jealous of him with your wife?
K: yeah well, the joke'd be on him, my wife won't touch me!
R: did you see the pics he put up of his wife's foot infections?
K: no.
R: not for sensitive viewers.
K: oh. i wasn't sure which way you were going with that.
R: again you're projecting your own fetishes on to me.
K: i hate you!
R: why aren't you happy? bread's coming!
"this guy thinks he's running a baseball team." - my darling sandstress
i have been sucked into the vortex of fantasy baseball! these last 2 weeks (has it only been 2 weeks?) i haven't been able to be on line and not find myself perusing the free agent pages, looking for that one pick up who's going to save my ass, that one arm that's gonna be the next dominant starter, delivering strikeouts by the wheelbarrow load with an era so crystal clear it sparkles, and a whip, a whip lower than kevlar's pants on a special ktv night. do i play this guy who's been struggling? (joe hole in his bat crede) striking out 3 times a day for a week or do i stick with him because tomorrow, tomorrow he's gonna break out of his slump and have a monster day, and christ i'd hate to miss out on that!
it's consuming me. it's so addictive! all sports have stats but no sport has stats like baseball stats. you can scroll through them endlessly looking for that edge, that holy grail, the lightining rod that will make you look like a genius manager. i haven't read stats like this since i collected baseball cards as a kid, so much so that i've been neglecting the blogs, not only writing for them but even reading them.
in an effort to seek help, i went to fubar yesterday to talk to the barman, who also happens to be in big ell's league, along with bread and pimp, concerning time management and fantasy baseball... d-wayne told me that he has 8, count 'em, 8 teams in different leagues and that i'd get used to it. every newbie spends hours staring at numbers and after awhile it won't be such an addiction... for the sake of this blog in particular, i hope he's right 'cause for the time i've been putting into it, while wonderfully intriguing, my rewards have been miniscule... just ask d-wayne, whose squad spanked my guys last week 11-3 with a tie. this week seems better and i may actually pull out a draw against my opponent... i need pitching help and i need some of my hitters to come around are i'm gonna dump their asses! that means you, joe crede! you too frank thomas you 9 million dollar oh-fer mofo!
more later.
oh yeah, kevlar has been really vain about his hair lately. more on that later too.
i have been sucked into the vortex of fantasy baseball! these last 2 weeks (has it only been 2 weeks?) i haven't been able to be on line and not find myself perusing the free agent pages, looking for that one pick up who's going to save my ass, that one arm that's gonna be the next dominant starter, delivering strikeouts by the wheelbarrow load with an era so crystal clear it sparkles, and a whip, a whip lower than kevlar's pants on a special ktv night. do i play this guy who's been struggling? (joe hole in his bat crede) striking out 3 times a day for a week or do i stick with him because tomorrow, tomorrow he's gonna break out of his slump and have a monster day, and christ i'd hate to miss out on that!
it's consuming me. it's so addictive! all sports have stats but no sport has stats like baseball stats. you can scroll through them endlessly looking for that edge, that holy grail, the lightining rod that will make you look like a genius manager. i haven't read stats like this since i collected baseball cards as a kid, so much so that i've been neglecting the blogs, not only writing for them but even reading them.
in an effort to seek help, i went to fubar yesterday to talk to the barman, who also happens to be in big ell's league, along with bread and pimp, concerning time management and fantasy baseball... d-wayne told me that he has 8, count 'em, 8 teams in different leagues and that i'd get used to it. every newbie spends hours staring at numbers and after awhile it won't be such an addiction... for the sake of this blog in particular, i hope he's right 'cause for the time i've been putting into it, while wonderfully intriguing, my rewards have been miniscule... just ask d-wayne, whose squad spanked my guys last week 11-3 with a tie. this week seems better and i may actually pull out a draw against my opponent... i need pitching help and i need some of my hitters to come around are i'm gonna dump their asses! that means you, joe crede! you too frank thomas you 9 million dollar oh-fer mofo!
more later.
oh yeah, kevlar has been really vain about his hair lately. more on that later too.
Sunday, April 15
It's a dog's life
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I always wondered why people put dogs in strollers, and why people use a scooter to walk the dog. If they are going to keep the dog in a wire aquarium why not just put handles and wheels and wheel that out. Why bother invest in the stroller? I wonder why some people also carry the dog in a shoulder carrier or backpack? I bet these dog owners secretly spread dog perfume (i.e. piss markings) around their small apartments to keep their dogs curious. A little Channel d' Chien on the corners of the sofa. Oh la la.
Wednesday, April 11
Tuesday, April 10
New Plates
This scooter has different plates. My first thought was why would anyone make their own plates. After having seen a few more of these odd looking plates I knew this is a government plan in action. I'm guessing money is saved or some department was amalgamated. Perhaps if you didn't pay your taxes, they don't print your city and province on the plate. Perhaps they are working on adding English.
The more I think about this, the more i wonder why I stop at so many red lights. Traffic lights seem to be eating up lots of "free time". I think I could get to work just as quick without coming to a complete stop and letting my eyes wander.
Saturday at the park
The "in-laws". I am sure there is a website for this place. a student review of park http://eje.ptc.edu.tw/territory/jh_english/monthly.files/9312.swf
I found several compliant blogs but no official website for the park.
Friday, April 6
kevlar quotes of the week
"you know there are no massage parlors in this neighbourhood? ...I looked."
- at some T intersection on han kou
"can i use my bank book to get money out of the atm?"
- strapped mid week
"i like the way, the feel of the fan on my body, when it blows, you know."
- a kevlar classic
- at some T intersection on han kou
"can i use my bank book to get money out of the atm?"
- strapped mid week
"i like the way, the feel of the fan on my body, when it blows, you know."
- a kevlar classic
Wednesday, March 28
Tuesday, March 27
Sunday, March 25
Kid loves the water
We had a good splash in both the outdoor and indoor pools. Kaia had no complaints and really enjoyed watching the other kids swim. For some reason she seemed to think the kids swimming under water was hiliarous, her efforts to copy them left her anxious to return some other warm afternoon.
tommy chong 'on fire'
tommy chong talks about his experience in an indian sweat lodge - 'on fire'
did j-hole ever get his built?
tommy's got a more vids too - citizenchong
did j-hole ever get his built?
tommy's got a more vids too - citizenchong
Rocky Compressed
kevlar was raving about the new Rocky movie last week. I watched this and feel pretty satisfied...
All the Rocky movies in 5 seconds
from guywiththeglasses on youtube. he's made a bunch of these...
All the Rocky movies in 5 seconds
from guywiththeglasses on youtube. he's made a bunch of these...
Thursday, March 22
alphas and betas
a recent article seems to me to add some insight into kevlar's former relationship with long departed friend and ally bread - Male Birds Use 'Wingman' to Win Girl
the article talks about the benefits of having two males approach a female, an alpha, or dominant male, and a beta, or secondary or apprentice male. it is imperative that the alpha male choose a wingman, his beta, who, while attractive, is necessarily less so than the alpha. less brilliant coloring, though not faded, duller mental faculties, but not a retard, smaller appendages, though not overly tiny, etc. therefore, the female, according to darwinian principles, will almost always most certainly choose the stronger and more intelligent of the two. the desired outcome of course being mating, the passing on of the alpha's genes to the next generation. so why does the wingman, or beta bird, participate in said courting activities if there's nothing in it for him? while the alpha is enjoying the fruits of a shared labor, the beta bird flies home solo, to no apparent advantage. the case study presented in the article followed some panamanian birds over some years and it discovered that the alpha bird was almost always older than the beta bird, and that most beta birds eventually became alpha birds suggesting a kind of apprenticeship between older and younger birds. so what's in it for the beta bird? experience, an ancient and sacred knowledge of how to score chicks, suck feathers, fertilize eggs...
kevlar often speaks of the days when bread still lived here in central city and the two of them would be in a bar and kevlar would be chatting up this fine chick and bread would swoop in with a comment like, "hey sweetie, did you know that this guy has the best and thickest mat of back hair in town?" kevlar, shamed, would fall apart immediately while bread took over the wooing and eventually mounted the female, often with kevlar in the next room, as, well you know, they were living together at the time. kevlar, and most people, would call this cock-blocking but my theory is that bread was more devious and manipulative than anyone had previously imagined. yes, he cock-blocked. but no woman had ever seriously considered going home with beta bird kevlar with alpha bread around anyway... and bread knew this. kevlar was bread's wingman for 3 years and didn't even realize it. even when bread used to say, "let's go get you laid kev..." he was really just setting himself up to expose the female to the beta and then dive bomb the conversation with his alpha charm...
now, there are some discrepancies with this analogy... kev is older. but it could be argued bread was older experience-wise, being a world traveller and all that. and kev, being the beta bird, ended up successfully planting his seed, not bread the alpha bird, that we're aware of anyhow... and i think that bread flew the coop before properly educating his ward, leaving him adrift and rudderless...
i don't know now i gotta go teach esl... damn brett and his cursed mysteriousness!
the article talks about the benefits of having two males approach a female, an alpha, or dominant male, and a beta, or secondary or apprentice male. it is imperative that the alpha male choose a wingman, his beta, who, while attractive, is necessarily less so than the alpha. less brilliant coloring, though not faded, duller mental faculties, but not a retard, smaller appendages, though not overly tiny, etc. therefore, the female, according to darwinian principles, will almost always most certainly choose the stronger and more intelligent of the two. the desired outcome of course being mating, the passing on of the alpha's genes to the next generation. so why does the wingman, or beta bird, participate in said courting activities if there's nothing in it for him? while the alpha is enjoying the fruits of a shared labor, the beta bird flies home solo, to no apparent advantage. the case study presented in the article followed some panamanian birds over some years and it discovered that the alpha bird was almost always older than the beta bird, and that most beta birds eventually became alpha birds suggesting a kind of apprenticeship between older and younger birds. so what's in it for the beta bird? experience, an ancient and sacred knowledge of how to score chicks, suck feathers, fertilize eggs...
kevlar often speaks of the days when bread still lived here in central city and the two of them would be in a bar and kevlar would be chatting up this fine chick and bread would swoop in with a comment like, "hey sweetie, did you know that this guy has the best and thickest mat of back hair in town?" kevlar, shamed, would fall apart immediately while bread took over the wooing and eventually mounted the female, often with kevlar in the next room, as, well you know, they were living together at the time. kevlar, and most people, would call this cock-blocking but my theory is that bread was more devious and manipulative than anyone had previously imagined. yes, he cock-blocked. but no woman had ever seriously considered going home with beta bird kevlar with alpha bread around anyway... and bread knew this. kevlar was bread's wingman for 3 years and didn't even realize it. even when bread used to say, "let's go get you laid kev..." he was really just setting himself up to expose the female to the beta and then dive bomb the conversation with his alpha charm...
now, there are some discrepancies with this analogy... kev is older. but it could be argued bread was older experience-wise, being a world traveller and all that. and kev, being the beta bird, ended up successfully planting his seed, not bread the alpha bird, that we're aware of anyhow... and i think that bread flew the coop before properly educating his ward, leaving him adrift and rudderless...
i don't know now i gotta go teach esl... damn brett and his cursed mysteriousness!
Tuesday, March 20
Day Care Fun
"Everywhere I go they offer me a job, and then seem delighted that i don't want to work there".
Perfection www.perfectionkids.com.tw
6 month tutition: 18800 monthly fee: 11000 bus: 600 a month
Kidel 23287049
6 month tutition: 12500 monthly fee: 7200 bus: ?
Big Apple www.big.apple.com.tw
6 month tutition: 12800 monthly fee: 7800 bus: ?
holdmean www.afer.com.tw
6 month: n/a monthly fee: n/a bus: n/a
apparently holdmean doubts my wife's citizen ship, and her ability to communicate.
Perfection www.perfectionkids.com.tw
6 month tutition: 18800 monthly fee: 11000 bus: 600 a month
Kidel 23287049
6 month tutition: 12500 monthly fee: 7200 bus: ?
Big Apple www.big.apple.com.tw
6 month tutition: 12800 monthly fee: 7800 bus: ?
holdmean www.afer.com.tw
6 month: n/a monthly fee: n/a bus: n/a
apparently holdmean doubts my wife's citizen ship, and her ability to communicate.
Friday, March 16
kevlar the student
for die hard kevlar fans only. kevlar discusses his chinese class with bread and aaron over nachos at pj's... back in the day when kev and red actually were civil to each other...
Wednesday, March 14
on break with kevlar
K: i'm so glad i don't have to see henry (pupil horriblis) today.
R: unh-huh...
K: I taught my first class of the year with a pack a of cigarettes in my pocket... that was pretty exciting...
R: how is that exciting?
K: well, i walked into class, opened my book, started teaching and i noticed there was a pack of cigarettes in my pocket...
R: i still don't understand how that's exciting.
K: well, i don't want them to know i have a pack of cigarettes in my pocket...kinda gets my heart racin'...
R: unh-huh...
K: you know if you talked more i could start a blog...
R: ha! ha! ha!
K: i went to pay my gas bill... i found the place, but it's on such stupid small street i decided to turn around...
R: why?
K: i'll pay it later, but i don't really feel like driving down there on my break...
R: yeah, traffic will be a bitch...
K: well, after work will be worse...
R: so you should have paid it when you were down there before... what's wrong with you?
K: i'm wearing jeans today.
R: yes, i see. i see you got the memo about wearing tighter pants to school...
K: they're button fly!
R: uh, the top one's undone...
K: yeah, my students have been pointing that out all day... i tell 'em there's a prize!
R: ? ? ?
K: i'm going to seven... you want anything?
R: if you go by a hi-life, pick me up a pack of nat sherman's, brown pack...
K: didn't i just say i was going to seven?
R: if you pass a hi-life...
K: ok, if i do...
R: fine...
K: hey rye!
R: yeah?
K: see ya...
R: ass.
R: unh-huh...
K: I taught my first class of the year with a pack a of cigarettes in my pocket... that was pretty exciting...
R: how is that exciting?
K: well, i walked into class, opened my book, started teaching and i noticed there was a pack of cigarettes in my pocket...
R: i still don't understand how that's exciting.
K: well, i don't want them to know i have a pack of cigarettes in my pocket...kinda gets my heart racin'...
R: unh-huh...
K: you know if you talked more i could start a blog...
R: ha! ha! ha!
K: i went to pay my gas bill... i found the place, but it's on such stupid small street i decided to turn around...
R: why?
K: i'll pay it later, but i don't really feel like driving down there on my break...
R: yeah, traffic will be a bitch...
K: well, after work will be worse...
R: so you should have paid it when you were down there before... what's wrong with you?
K: i'm wearing jeans today.
R: yes, i see. i see you got the memo about wearing tighter pants to school...
K: they're button fly!
R: uh, the top one's undone...
K: yeah, my students have been pointing that out all day... i tell 'em there's a prize!
R: ? ? ?
K: i'm going to seven... you want anything?
R: if you go by a hi-life, pick me up a pack of nat sherman's, brown pack...
K: didn't i just say i was going to seven?
R: if you pass a hi-life...
K: ok, if i do...
R: fine...
K: hey rye!
R: yeah?
K: see ya...
R: ass.
Sunday, March 11
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