hair sandwich

like i said in the last post, kevlar has been really uppity lately about his hair. it's fluffier than usual, almost feathery in it's appearance. he struts around the office at flinging his locks "...like he's in a hair commercial." in fact, he's so confident that he's taken to dissing my hair! this is what he said to me the other day...

K: hey rye, what are you gonna do about that bald spot on the back of your head?

R: i don't know, what are you gonna do about those buck teeth?

K: shut up!

R: listen, bread is coming back.

K: yeah, you said.

R: he's coming may 20th for 10 days.

K: what? it's april buddy! ... fuck you!

R: yes, i know it's april.

K: that's in 4 days.

R: he's coming in may! may!

K: you said april.

R: no, i said may! dick! anyway, when he gets here he's gonna put your hair to shame so you better stop strutin' around like you're the cock of the walk.

K: at least i know better than to grow pubes on my face!

R: now that's just mean.

K: i'm not sorry!

R; you know what i think? i think you're projecting your own hair anxieties on to others. i could have an afro in a matter of months!

K: yeah well you do that.

R: maybe i will. didn't you have something to say about your last haircut?

K: yeah, she used a bowie knife instead of scissors. she didn't really cut it, she just kind of chopped.

R: sheesh. you're a liar.

K: this really happened. i shit you not. you know rye, if i spent any more time on my hair, i'd be at work a lot less...

R: i don't know what that's supposed to mean. i see you have been wearing jeans lately. i don't think any of our friends have ever seen you jeans.

K: yeah, i look pretty good too, huh?

R: you're just wearing them 'cause bread's coming back.

K: and at work we have this new wear tight pants policy instituted by that head teacher.

R: and you'll be rewarded for that.

K: how?

R: maybe you'll get a fruit basket. or a certificate of ass appreciation. which would you prefer?

K: some appreciation would be nice, i know aaron really likes my body...

R: i remember. if he had your body, he'd be getting laid all the time.

K: and if i had his brain, i'd put to better use.

R: better than what he does with it? i doubt it.

K: oh yeah! maybe we should switch bodies for a week.

R: i bet he'd be into that, wife swapping and all that.

K: oh yeah!

R; wouldn't you be jealous of him with your wife?

K: yeah well, the joke'd be on him, my wife won't touch me!

R: did you see the pics he put up of his wife's foot infections?

K: no.

R: not for sensitive viewers.

K: oh. i wasn't sure which way you were going with that.

R: again you're projecting your own fetishes on to me.

K: i hate you!

R: why aren't you happy? bread's coming!