fantasy blues, kevlar digs

K: how are this morning rye?

R: better than my fantasy team, that's for sure.

K: oh, still doing that are you?

R: it never ends. and it's only 3 weeks in...

K: oh, yes.

R: i was ahead all week. i thought i had a chance to win my matchup but looking at the numbers this morning i think i've firmly solidified my hold on last place...

K: i don't understand.

R: i'm pretty sure my team blew a 12 run lead on the last day...

K: ouch. that sucks.

R: fuckin right, the final tallies aren't in yet but it's gonna be ugly... i'm gonna get hammered.

K: maybe you should wait until you get home. it's hard to teach drunk.

R: good one. can't you sympathize a little?

K: nope. sorry. i got a new haircut! no more sideburns!

R: yes, i see you got sheared. my opponent's players had awesome days at the plate...

K: are you just gonna talk about baseball all morning?

R: i can't stop thinking about it. i feel so beaten.

K: this is fantasy baseball, right?

R: yeah.

K: so it's not real, right?

R: well, the stats are real.

K: faaan-taah-seee! you can't be upset because it's fake! you should relax!

R: so my depression is just in my head. it's imaginary, so really i feel great and am happy and contented. so that's what sandy has been saying!

K: someone's got to be in last place.

R: according to your logic, i'm not really in last place, it's just a hallucination!

K: now you're talkin'!

R: i can't believe you're the one i have to talk to about baseball.

K: you're the one talking about it! i wanna talk about my trip to carrefour last night! fuckin... the in-laws were apparently in town on the weekend and got a locker there and forgot their stuff in it when they left so the wife asked me to go pick it up, and you know what, the lockers there are not coin operated! they're combination locks!

R: gee.

K: yeah! so i thought it was way better than some locker where you may or may not get your money back, huh?

R: i guess. this isn't making me feel better you know.

K: i find it fascinating!

R: you would. this is not more interesting than baseball.

K: says you! tell you what rye, why don't you sprinkle some fairy dust and fly over your little baseball rainbow, fire the illusion of yourself and rehire yourself under another name. there! maybe your fake team will respond better to different fake manager!

R: maybe it's the beard.

K: it can't be helping.

R: damn, you're really getting your digs in today aren't you?

K: seems like you can't get any lower anyway...

R: you are really enjoying kicking me while i'm down... good thing this conversation never happened.

K: oh yeah!

R: and since we're not talking about anything real today, how about all those imaginary KTV spots you've been producing?

K: oh yeah! they're there!

R: AJ needs his fix!

K: how do you know?

R: i saw him at the chili cook off. your bike was there. didn't see you around...

K: oh yeah!

R: somebody peed on it. shat in the helmet too.

K: horseshit!

R: no, i think was dog shit but i could be wrong...

K: oh you're wrong!

R: we're late for class. i gotta go...

K: i have no class...

R: that's for sure...

K: i'll forget i heard that.

R: you gotta prep a KTV spot, please. and watch Roof Top Kevlar!

K: fine.

R: working title was Kevlar: Roof Nazi!

K: ?