the most evolved simpsons intro ever!
Wednesday, March 28
Tuesday, March 27
Sunday, March 25
Kid loves the water
We had a good splash in both the outdoor and indoor pools. Kaia had no complaints and really enjoyed watching the other kids swim. For some reason she seemed to think the kids swimming under water was hiliarous, her efforts to copy them left her anxious to return some other warm afternoon.
tommy chong 'on fire'
tommy chong talks about his experience in an indian sweat lodge - 'on fire'
did j-hole ever get his built?
tommy's got a more vids too - citizenchong
did j-hole ever get his built?
tommy's got a more vids too - citizenchong
Rocky Compressed
kevlar was raving about the new Rocky movie last week. I watched this and feel pretty satisfied...
All the Rocky movies in 5 seconds
from guywiththeglasses on youtube. he's made a bunch of these...
All the Rocky movies in 5 seconds
from guywiththeglasses on youtube. he's made a bunch of these...
Thursday, March 22
alphas and betas
a recent article seems to me to add some insight into kevlar's former relationship with long departed friend and ally bread - Male Birds Use 'Wingman' to Win Girl
the article talks about the benefits of having two males approach a female, an alpha, or dominant male, and a beta, or secondary or apprentice male. it is imperative that the alpha male choose a wingman, his beta, who, while attractive, is necessarily less so than the alpha. less brilliant coloring, though not faded, duller mental faculties, but not a retard, smaller appendages, though not overly tiny, etc. therefore, the female, according to darwinian principles, will almost always most certainly choose the stronger and more intelligent of the two. the desired outcome of course being mating, the passing on of the alpha's genes to the next generation. so why does the wingman, or beta bird, participate in said courting activities if there's nothing in it for him? while the alpha is enjoying the fruits of a shared labor, the beta bird flies home solo, to no apparent advantage. the case study presented in the article followed some panamanian birds over some years and it discovered that the alpha bird was almost always older than the beta bird, and that most beta birds eventually became alpha birds suggesting a kind of apprenticeship between older and younger birds. so what's in it for the beta bird? experience, an ancient and sacred knowledge of how to score chicks, suck feathers, fertilize eggs...
kevlar often speaks of the days when bread still lived here in central city and the two of them would be in a bar and kevlar would be chatting up this fine chick and bread would swoop in with a comment like, "hey sweetie, did you know that this guy has the best and thickest mat of back hair in town?" kevlar, shamed, would fall apart immediately while bread took over the wooing and eventually mounted the female, often with kevlar in the next room, as, well you know, they were living together at the time. kevlar, and most people, would call this cock-blocking but my theory is that bread was more devious and manipulative than anyone had previously imagined. yes, he cock-blocked. but no woman had ever seriously considered going home with beta bird kevlar with alpha bread around anyway... and bread knew this. kevlar was bread's wingman for 3 years and didn't even realize it. even when bread used to say, "let's go get you laid kev..." he was really just setting himself up to expose the female to the beta and then dive bomb the conversation with his alpha charm...
now, there are some discrepancies with this analogy... kev is older. but it could be argued bread was older experience-wise, being a world traveller and all that. and kev, being the beta bird, ended up successfully planting his seed, not bread the alpha bird, that we're aware of anyhow... and i think that bread flew the coop before properly educating his ward, leaving him adrift and rudderless...
i don't know now i gotta go teach esl... damn brett and his cursed mysteriousness!
the article talks about the benefits of having two males approach a female, an alpha, or dominant male, and a beta, or secondary or apprentice male. it is imperative that the alpha male choose a wingman, his beta, who, while attractive, is necessarily less so than the alpha. less brilliant coloring, though not faded, duller mental faculties, but not a retard, smaller appendages, though not overly tiny, etc. therefore, the female, according to darwinian principles, will almost always most certainly choose the stronger and more intelligent of the two. the desired outcome of course being mating, the passing on of the alpha's genes to the next generation. so why does the wingman, or beta bird, participate in said courting activities if there's nothing in it for him? while the alpha is enjoying the fruits of a shared labor, the beta bird flies home solo, to no apparent advantage. the case study presented in the article followed some panamanian birds over some years and it discovered that the alpha bird was almost always older than the beta bird, and that most beta birds eventually became alpha birds suggesting a kind of apprenticeship between older and younger birds. so what's in it for the beta bird? experience, an ancient and sacred knowledge of how to score chicks, suck feathers, fertilize eggs...
kevlar often speaks of the days when bread still lived here in central city and the two of them would be in a bar and kevlar would be chatting up this fine chick and bread would swoop in with a comment like, "hey sweetie, did you know that this guy has the best and thickest mat of back hair in town?" kevlar, shamed, would fall apart immediately while bread took over the wooing and eventually mounted the female, often with kevlar in the next room, as, well you know, they were living together at the time. kevlar, and most people, would call this cock-blocking but my theory is that bread was more devious and manipulative than anyone had previously imagined. yes, he cock-blocked. but no woman had ever seriously considered going home with beta bird kevlar with alpha bread around anyway... and bread knew this. kevlar was bread's wingman for 3 years and didn't even realize it. even when bread used to say, "let's go get you laid kev..." he was really just setting himself up to expose the female to the beta and then dive bomb the conversation with his alpha charm...
now, there are some discrepancies with this analogy... kev is older. but it could be argued bread was older experience-wise, being a world traveller and all that. and kev, being the beta bird, ended up successfully planting his seed, not bread the alpha bird, that we're aware of anyhow... and i think that bread flew the coop before properly educating his ward, leaving him adrift and rudderless...
i don't know now i gotta go teach esl... damn brett and his cursed mysteriousness!
Tuesday, March 20
Day Care Fun
"Everywhere I go they offer me a job, and then seem delighted that i don't want to work there".
Perfection www.perfectionkids.com.tw
6 month tutition: 18800 monthly fee: 11000 bus: 600 a month
Kidel 23287049
6 month tutition: 12500 monthly fee: 7200 bus: ?
Big Apple www.big.apple.com.tw
6 month tutition: 12800 monthly fee: 7800 bus: ?
holdmean www.afer.com.tw
6 month: n/a monthly fee: n/a bus: n/a
apparently holdmean doubts my wife's citizen ship, and her ability to communicate.
Perfection www.perfectionkids.com.tw
6 month tutition: 18800 monthly fee: 11000 bus: 600 a month
Kidel 23287049
6 month tutition: 12500 monthly fee: 7200 bus: ?
Big Apple www.big.apple.com.tw
6 month tutition: 12800 monthly fee: 7800 bus: ?
holdmean www.afer.com.tw
6 month: n/a monthly fee: n/a bus: n/a
apparently holdmean doubts my wife's citizen ship, and her ability to communicate.
Friday, March 16
kevlar the student
for die hard kevlar fans only. kevlar discusses his chinese class with bread and aaron over nachos at pj's... back in the day when kev and red actually were civil to each other...
Wednesday, March 14
on break with kevlar
K: i'm so glad i don't have to see henry (pupil horriblis) today.
R: unh-huh...
K: I taught my first class of the year with a pack a of cigarettes in my pocket... that was pretty exciting...
R: how is that exciting?
K: well, i walked into class, opened my book, started teaching and i noticed there was a pack of cigarettes in my pocket...
R: i still don't understand how that's exciting.
K: well, i don't want them to know i have a pack of cigarettes in my pocket...kinda gets my heart racin'...
R: unh-huh...
K: you know if you talked more i could start a blog...
R: ha! ha! ha!
K: i went to pay my gas bill... i found the place, but it's on such stupid small street i decided to turn around...
R: why?
K: i'll pay it later, but i don't really feel like driving down there on my break...
R: yeah, traffic will be a bitch...
K: well, after work will be worse...
R: so you should have paid it when you were down there before... what's wrong with you?
K: i'm wearing jeans today.
R: yes, i see. i see you got the memo about wearing tighter pants to school...
K: they're button fly!
R: uh, the top one's undone...
K: yeah, my students have been pointing that out all day... i tell 'em there's a prize!
R: ? ? ?
K: i'm going to seven... you want anything?
R: if you go by a hi-life, pick me up a pack of nat sherman's, brown pack...
K: didn't i just say i was going to seven?
R: if you pass a hi-life...
K: ok, if i do...
R: fine...
K: hey rye!
R: yeah?
K: see ya...
R: ass.
R: unh-huh...
K: I taught my first class of the year with a pack a of cigarettes in my pocket... that was pretty exciting...
R: how is that exciting?
K: well, i walked into class, opened my book, started teaching and i noticed there was a pack of cigarettes in my pocket...
R: i still don't understand how that's exciting.
K: well, i don't want them to know i have a pack of cigarettes in my pocket...kinda gets my heart racin'...
R: unh-huh...
K: you know if you talked more i could start a blog...
R: ha! ha! ha!
K: i went to pay my gas bill... i found the place, but it's on such stupid small street i decided to turn around...
R: why?
K: i'll pay it later, but i don't really feel like driving down there on my break...
R: yeah, traffic will be a bitch...
K: well, after work will be worse...
R: so you should have paid it when you were down there before... what's wrong with you?
K: i'm wearing jeans today.
R: yes, i see. i see you got the memo about wearing tighter pants to school...
K: they're button fly!
R: uh, the top one's undone...
K: yeah, my students have been pointing that out all day... i tell 'em there's a prize!
R: ? ? ?
K: i'm going to seven... you want anything?
R: if you go by a hi-life, pick me up a pack of nat sherman's, brown pack...
K: didn't i just say i was going to seven?
R: if you pass a hi-life...
K: ok, if i do...
R: fine...
K: hey rye!
R: yeah?
K: see ya...
R: ass.
Sunday, March 11
Wednesday, March 7
Phones
Phone "A" cost too much and then, died. Phone "B" cost nothing and worked ok, until it was filled with ants and apple juice. Phone "C" from 2001 has a battery life of about six hours... Fortunately Ry is the only person who calls me, and then it is only some lame text about the cost of diapers for newborns. i tried to convince him not to wash and re-use the newborn diapers. He went on and on about the purity of his childs urine and said something like "his poop doesn't stink, or taste bad." At that moment my phone "died" and saved my brain from more of Ry's Potty mouth.
Tuesday, March 6
kevlar vs. the beer baaron, part II
meanwhile in the recesses of the red manor, deep in the keep, the general is contemplating his new blog by the great fire place. lost in thought and grinning, he rocks back and forth in his chair, hands placed neatly between his thighs, slowly rubbing them together, back and forth, back and forth.
"serving wench! where’s my beverage? how can i plan my conquests without a cold beer! fetch it quickly and it had better not be mead this time or you'll feel my steel!" , the rubbing quickens, the friction producing faint trails of smoke escaping from the palms, the grin widens.
smelling burning flesh, she replies, "as you wish, excellency." and scurries off in haste knowing his temper to be as short and fierce as his neck beard is long and scraggly.
the lady of the manor enters, she has overheard the exchange. "must you treat the help with such disdain, my lord?" she asks.
"what? what of it? she is my serving wench and she'll do as she's told," he gruffs as he continues to pour over his daily intelligence.
“of course she will and so she should, your redness.”
"and when she returns, she'll fetch more as my captains are on their way to debrief me. i can't have my men thirsty now, can i?"
"of course not, my lord. your captains would stand in open rebellion against you if that were the case”, she says playfully...”luckily you have an endless supply tucked away”, his lady smiles, "do tread carefully with your servants though."
“what? with the servants? why?”, sensing something amiss, he added, "i don't know why you feel such compassion for the servants of late, the woman i married would never have worried about offending servants. after all she's only a canadianer! you’ve grown weak!”
"my lord, it is not that i feel compassion for the servants, as you say, but i am terribly worried about their loyalty to you. you are a fair, yes, but hard master and i have just returned from the fortune teller with grave tidings…”
“fortune tellers! tidings! don’t waste my time with such claptrap woman!”
“i insist for the prosperity of the house!”
“very well then, speak your piece wife.”
“i fear they will betray you in the end.” she finishes and hangs her head as if expecting a blow.
“betray me! ha! do you know why there are so many canadianers in taiwan? do you?”
“no, your grace.”
“then I shall tell you!”
“please do as I’ve not left the compound in many moons”, she states.
“canadianers have three options in life. the first is to stay at home in canada and be canadianer – that is to say poor… the second is to go the united states and become servants and the third, the third is come to taiwan to teach english…”
“nevertheless, my soothsayer warns of an uprising, however unlikely...”
“ an uprising! be still your superstitious tongue! i’ll not have you infecting them with such a thing as hope for a better life! i have just completed a deal that will insure my stranglehold on the buxiban guild… i have an inside man you see… but you needn’t worry your pretty little head about such trifles… prepare the marriage chamber for an early night, my men shan’t be here long… ”
“very well, it is my duty as your wife to warn you of such matters. i will leave you then….”
“halt! you will leave when dismissed woman!”
“yes, your redness.”
“you may go.”
the lady exits only to return a moment later to announce the arrival of the red commanders.
“your men are here, lord.”
“excellent.” he rubs his palms together in excitement. wisps of smoke trail toward the ceiling. “show them in then! and where’s that serving wench with my beer? we cannot debrief without beer!”
“i’ll check immediately husband”, she says and disappears into the corridor.
he stands to greet his men.
“ahhh, my nobles! come, sit, drink! together let us put into motion the plan for the final destruction of the wicked canadianers! where’s that serving wench?!? i’ll brand her ass for such insubordination!”
“greetings aaroneus!”, they shout in unison.
Disney lantern festival
Monday evening running around the new park Kaia had a great time. Lay-out of the new park on uenshin is nice, it has rolling hills. Loads of food vendors, trash receptacles, lots of disney themed lanterns... "PIGLET and friends. Nice!
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