kevlar vs. the beer baaron, part I

kevlar's cognitive connection reloading...

a propos of kevlar's latest video, here's a description of the video you'll never see...

sources close to TWK have recently revealed kevlar’s whereabouts and movements over the last couple of weeks… he’s been obtaining detailed blueprints of Red A’s neighbourhood and by day and planning an invasion and so-called “liberation” of the beer “imprisoned”, as he says, in the red general’s fortress…by night, he’s been holing himself up in the family compound in meow-li, constructing a new digging tool unlike any other ever conceived….

a parched kevlar rides the blue pistol across central city to Red A's street, spots the red general’s citadel, draws a last drag from his on-the-road cigarette, unloads his recently constructed, specially modified, silencer equipped jack hammer from his bike and leaps into the canal. from below he quickly locates his target - red a's beer basement, so obvious to his kayness in its selfish seclusion, aaron’s hidden fortress of frothy goodness.

“i want that beer, so I will tunnel through to it,” says kevlar to himself as he lights a cigarette, “through the wall, under the street and into the beer cellar. simple. he’ll never know what hit him!”

beer on the brain, smoke dangling, the digging begins, the valiantly maniacal, thirst driven kevlar straps the jack hammer to his waist and commences to ravish the outer wall….

“i’m gonna export that imported beer! heh! heh!”

immediately bits of concrete and brick, plaster and earth fly off in all directions,

kevlar giggles to himself and continues to batter the cold stone with his freshly invented mechanically muzzled codpiece shovel. his penetration progressing better than planned, the silencer efficiently muffling the noisy excavation, he wonders how to patent such a creation (must chat with karlemagne), he lights another smoke and drives on through the night, creating a dark cavity in the flank of the canal wall, burrowing directly for the underground storage chamber where the beer baaron has elected to conceal his stash.

"if only he'd have offered me a beer that time! then i wouldn't have to thrust through this wall!" cries kevlar, smoke billowing, tears streaming, face filthy, getting thirstier and thirstier, lusting for lager, pining for pale ale, he suddenly hits a wall. having committed his blueprints to memory, it must be the outer wall of the beer vault he concludes. he congratulates himself with another mild seven, thinking of the refreshments that lay on the other side…