Princess Mao and the book burn

After I agreed to move one junk room to another, I suggested they get rid of some stuff. Rather than wait for the recycling truck a huge fire was started. It burned all day as hundreds of books were piled on. A house full of university students and a barn full of high school books. One overheard comment about one of the five sisters " She won't be back to help, she doesn't need these books, she's MARRIED'. Oh yeah,and the fire was not my idea.

Toy of the week on this side of the tracks

Just to combat the rumour that my kid doesn't have enough money for toys.

Planting Rice

Kong Yo in the patties

The aerial view, the three piles, corn wrapped in wet newspaper, Chicken in cookie tins, ( the chicken is wrapped in a foil bag with sauces, store bought, low effort) The tin is more to protect the chicken foil bag.

Pirates are back

Forget VCD, now they have DVD. A hundred a pop. These two flics were a good watch. English audio, Chinese subtitles. Happy Feet was cute, nice soundtrack, defintitely a Chinese Chic Flic. Apocalypto is the story of the down fall of Aztecs and other cultures, gruesome but interesting.

Uncle till gets thirsty

crossword kevlar

bread and j-hole employ kevlar's crossword expertise one day long long ago at taichung's texas embassy...

crossword kevlar
Uploaded by ryanator

kevlar vs. the beer baaron, part I

kevlar's cognitive connection reloading...

a propos of kevlar's latest video, here's a description of the video you'll never see...

sources close to TWK have recently revealed kevlar’s whereabouts and movements over the last couple of weeks… he’s been obtaining detailed blueprints of Red A’s neighbourhood and by day and planning an invasion and so-called “liberation” of the beer “imprisoned”, as he says, in the red general’s fortress…by night, he’s been holing himself up in the family compound in meow-li, constructing a new digging tool unlike any other ever conceived….

a parched kevlar rides the blue pistol across central city to Red A's street, spots the red general’s citadel, draws a last drag from his on-the-road cigarette, unloads his recently constructed, specially modified, silencer equipped jack hammer from his bike and leaps into the canal. from below he quickly locates his target - red a's beer basement, so obvious to his kayness in its selfish seclusion, aaron’s hidden fortress of frothy goodness.

“i want that beer, so I will tunnel through to it,” says kevlar to himself as he lights a cigarette, “through the wall, under the street and into the beer cellar. simple. he’ll never know what hit him!”

beer on the brain, smoke dangling, the digging begins, the valiantly maniacal, thirst driven kevlar straps the jack hammer to his waist and commences to ravish the outer wall….

“i’m gonna export that imported beer! heh! heh!”

immediately bits of concrete and brick, plaster and earth fly off in all directions,

kevlar giggles to himself and continues to batter the cold stone with his freshly invented mechanically muzzled codpiece shovel. his penetration progressing better than planned, the silencer efficiently muffling the noisy excavation, he wonders how to patent such a creation (must chat with karlemagne), he lights another smoke and drives on through the night, creating a dark cavity in the flank of the canal wall, burrowing directly for the underground storage chamber where the beer baaron has elected to conceal his stash.

"if only he'd have offered me a beer that time! then i wouldn't have to thrust through this wall!" cries kevlar, smoke billowing, tears streaming, face filthy, getting thirstier and thirstier, lusting for lager, pining for pale ale, he suddenly hits a wall. having committed his blueprints to memory, it must be the outer wall of the beer vault he concludes. he congratulates himself with another mild seven, thinking of the refreshments that lay on the other side…

I thought I was bored that day..

The day I did this I thought I was bored. Today I started a project to fix a dresser... then I was told I can't drive any nails.. chinese holiday something rather... "Pretty hard to fix anything if you can't hit it" -Kevlar. I would like to be in Taipei or Taichung... visiting the inlaws for my vacation is stupid. Arguing with my wife about why I need to get out of here is pointless.

First attempt with google video

This doesn't look so great on google video. The screen looks to pixelated. Let's see.

incommunicado and the smoker

kevlar is apparently incommunicado...

he's abandoned his post, gone native, turned taiwanese, yes i really think so... chewin bin lang, playin mah jong, drink gao liang and taiwan pi jou, handin out hong baos all over cat town (meow-li) on the blue pistol... it really makes it kinda hard for this blog to live up to its name in any kind of relevant way...

jeez i'm gonna have to start makin stuff up pretty soon...

in the meantime, i'm delving into the archives yet again...

i said i was gonna start a new account on one of those video sites, so i did (that statement is sooo kevlar)... i got a daily motion account and for my test video i uploaded the one that led to the creation of this blog (check the url) , too hot for ni howdy to handle, censored by the lubbock authorit-ai, that's right, john smoking.... and bitchin' about poker seating to boot... some of you may not have had a chance to see as when it was originally posted it was torn down quicker than you can say kevlar is a country boy... enjoy!

JW trash talk
Uploaded by ryanator

screw tube

yes yes yes you tube is crazy frustrating these days... all that beautifully copyrighted viewing material for free but just out of reach ...downloading ad infinitum... i can't even see my own vids most of the time FFS!

so... i hate to have my video man unhappy, and worse, unproductive. despite his blatant contractual breaches, and his callous disregard of the board's ultimatum of last week, i've managed to save kevlar's neck once more. just call me a good friend... kevlar check out some other video sharing sites here or here

until youtube gets their act together, i'm gonna use blip more often and maybe open an account with one of these other sites...

you know about daily motion, it's very good but very french....here are some other nice alternatives:

vimeo

grouper

videoegg

guba

anyway try something new or stick with your blip account...

taiwan toy of the week 2

an appearance by the bread machine?

K: rye i'm having trouble coming up with a new idea for ktv!

R: well, your theme song is classic so don't change it. i love the intro!

K: but what do i talk about?

R: how about a meow-li CNY report? or your father-in-law's wooden leg? an update on the trapped and poisoned cat would be cool. mah-jongg? gambling? veggie gardens!

K: nah.

R: did you get that last email from bread?

K: yeah.

R: he says he's coming for a visit in march.

K: yeah, i saw that. on a couple of conditions.

R: one being that i pay him some money i owe him.

K: yeah, you and bald titty.

R: well thankfully bald titty owes him more than i do.

K: so you admit you do owe him some.

R: yeah. 15 large. but i never borrowed it.

K: that sounds gangsta. how is it that you owe him money you never borrowed?

R: he left his last pay packet at my house. the sandstress spent it.

K: so it falls to you... so if you don't pay, he won't come?

R: yeah, i guess, depends on bald titty too.

K: don't pay.

R: why? don't you wanna see bread?

K: no. i mean yes. no. sort of, yeah.

R: you just want more time to get with his exes.

K: no! well, maybe... i got the phone, i got the numbers, i'm just...

R: married??

K: no. well, yes.

R: you're not bread?

K: i just don't have that certain... i don't know what...

R: charm? persistence? pony tail? wash board abs?

K: yeah. those.

R: do you remember when we were all still single and aaron would say to you, "kevin, if i had your body, i'd be getting laid all the time?"

K: vaguely. sounds like how chicks talk.

R: i don't know. sounds like how aaron talks. he also used to say how he thought you were getting smarter. remember that?

K: yes, not true though.

R: well, now. but back then it was. you were on a roll.

K: maybe, listen why do you need a ktv video?

R: have you seen the refurbishing job on the blog? doesn't it look nice? it would great to have some fresh kevlar meat as a kind of christening... don't you think?

K: are you drinking?

R: sure. aren't you?

K: not enough. you know this blog is just ni howdy junior you know...

R: i acknowledge it's a spin off blog, but it's different from ni howdy... ni howdy junior doesn't do it justice... i'd say it's like 'joanie loves chachi' was to 'happy days'...

K: ha! ryan loves kevlar!

R: so what's aaron's blog to ni howdy?

K: ummm... ask john.

the 'boobkini'

i've been exploring some other video sites lately. this video is from GUBA via japan, of course...

let's see if this embeds ok...

it's hard to get good help these days

R: are you in meow-li this week kevlar?

K: where i am is nothing compared to where i should be.

R: what's that mean?

K: never mean what it minds. how come i can't sign into ni howdy or kevlar?

R: 'cause j-hole upgraded ni howdy to the new blogger. so you've got to sign in with your google account now.

K: what's this new blogger?

R: it's just a little slicker, a little more user friendly, publishes more quickly, that sort of thing...

K: so i need to sign in with my google account?

R: yeah, well you need to transfer your old account to the new one. you have gmail?

K: yes. you gave it to me.

R: so you'll be signing in with your gmail name and password.

K: i'll have to just get j-hole to re-invite me then.

R: i'm sure that won't be a problem.

K: and maybe you need to re-invite me on this one too...

R: well, you've been using the same blogger account for both blogs so all you need is the one invitation...

K: oh, i see...

R: and about your blogging performance...

K: yes?

R: well, i've been getting a lot of mail concerning the ktv spots...

K: what kind of mail?

R: mail demanding i reinstate them. like i cancelled them or something.

K: but you didn't.

R: right. but you did. however inadvertently.

K: so?

R: so you're under contract with TWK to produce a short video a week. preferably a ktv spot. you've been in breach of contract for weeks now.

K: breach? but i've got nothing to say!

R: but there's where you're wrong. you do. you've got lots to say! and now you're on vacation so there's lots of time. no excuses.

K: ok whatever.

R: here's the deal. either you produce a ktv spot by the weekend or the board's gonna take some measures to assure your compliance.

K: measures? what measures?

R: you'll see.

K: is that a threat?

R: no. just a warning, and show some skin too. it's good for ratings.

K: it's cold though!

R: it was 27 degrees today!

K: what if i don't?

R: well i can't speak for the board, but i wouldn't be warning you if they didn't mean business.

K: this is horseshit!

R: so make a video. i got kevlar on the kevlar blog but he never gives us any juicy kevlar nuggets! how's that look to my sponsors? huh?

K: i don't like being told what to do rye.

R: really? considering who you're married to, i thought you'd be used to it.

K: ouch.

R: sorry. had to be said. either you're my video talent or not. make something!

K: i want rum!

R: show me something and i'll make you a drink.

K: i'm starting a labour union for abused bloggers!

R: i'm getting my whip! wwhhhhe-kisssch!!!

taiwan toy of the week

there are toys everywhere in my house so this may or may not be the first in a series of toy posts...

putting the mental back into supple-mental

what follows is a series of conversations i had with my supervisor at work last week.

monday morning,

G: ryan, we need to prepare some supplemental materials for the junior high classes next week.

R: alright, can i choose them?

G: yes, you choose.

R: ok then i'm going to pick some lessons from last year's books written by the teachers. probably one of frank's, one of elliot's and one of my own.

G: great! also you need to schedule the materials to be taught next semester.

R: no problem. when do you need them?

G: as soon as possible. because we need to make copies for the students. and we need you to schedule the junior high quizzes.

R: ok.

that afternoon i had a free period before my last class so i checked the supplemental lessons with the junior high teachers and turned them into our secretary, who shares an office with my supervisor. from there the materials were to be taken to main office, photocopied, bound and distributed to the students. leaving them with said secretary i had every confidence that it would be done. i later found out that it was done, though perhaps too efficiently...

tuesday,

i had 2 more free periods in the morning so i finished the quiz schedule and the 19 week schedule of which pages are to be taught which week and again turned them into our secretary, again assuming the would be turned into my supervisor, which they were...

wednesday,

our secretary was absent. that afternoon my supervisor came to me with the curriculum schedule i had written on tuesday along with the quiz schedule and said...

G: ryan, our director has a problem with the quiz dates.

R: ok, what is it that he doesn't like?

G: he thinks they are too close together.

R: ok, no problem, we'll just move one of the may quizzes to june. i'll change it.

G: good. now, what is this "supplemental materials" you wrote on the schedule for the winter session?

R: um.. the supplemental materials you asked me to prepare for the winter classes... on monday? remember?

G: well, i think we need to get them to the main office for copying so they'll be ready for next week.

R: i already turned them in. monday afternoon.

G: oh. well why didn't i see them?

R: i don't know. you said i could choose whatever lessons I wanted. so i did and i gave them to our secretary, on monday...

G: well, why didn't she tell me?

R: i don't know. she's not here today.

G: but she could have told me yesterday.

R: yes. i guess.

G: well, why didn't she?

R: i don't know, maybe you two need to improve your communication.

G: but we speak the same language...

R: ....

at this point she grew red in the face, stormed out of the teacher's office and went down to her second floor office. i called after her, "grace. grace? can we finish the conversation?" ... to no answer. so i followed her down to the office where i found her pacing wildly behind her desk muttering to herself. i walked in and didn't get two words out before she said "i can't talk to you about this now!" and physically shoved me out of the office and slammed the door in my face, locking the door and retreating to the back of the office shaking her head and gesturing into the air. okaaaay..... i had class so i went and did it.
after class i tried to talk to her put she just stormed out of the office with her head down saying, "i'm sick, i'm on sick leave." furious she was...

i'm thinking that it may have been the communication comment. i think i hit a sore note. this isn't the first meltdown, but the first one this bad this year. past years have seen plenty of insanity like ht e time she freaked out that there was too much trash in the classrooms, so... she removed all the trash cans from the language center, ostensibly to eliminate trash accumulation... last year after a row with one of our foreign teachers, she didn't talk to any of the staff for a month...

i called our secretary to warn her of the shitstorm coming her way the next morning. as expected, it came, all frustrations were taken out on her, as usual, and as usual there were tears, however prepared she may have been... she even had to have a meeting with the deans because of this...

this week, everyone's acting like it didn't happen. all smiles and happy thoughts.

bread was right. i always knew he was right but had never experienced a meltdown of this directed my way before. the devil in disguise! indeed! disgraceful!

anyone else have a crazy boss?