let er rip fellas

Someone forwarded this email to me.

It's been deemed gross enough for publication on TWK...


DO YOU FART IN BED?

THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED
FOR YEARS.

THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF
FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD
WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.

EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM
OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE
COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD
HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE
WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.

THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT.
THEN ONE THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE
TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE
LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE
PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.

SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND
WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS
BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS
AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS.

SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL
TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING
SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS
AS HE RAN INTO THE BATHROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL
HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN
HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED
SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD..

ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME
DOWSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF
HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT
WAS THE MATTER.

HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.'
'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I
DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'.

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE.

'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING
MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.'

BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO
FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.'