Punctuated Drinking

March or April...

PART I

Taichung was hosting the final Olympic baseball qualifying round.

Ton and Nat came in from Changhua one Saturday night to catch a game and drink beer.

They wisely took the train in and I met them at the ballpark.

It was Korea vs. Australia.

The Koreans had cheerleaders. And chants. And horns. Those fucking horns.

Kevlar joined us in the second or third inning. This was before he quit smoking.

The Koreans won handily, forcing the mercy rule so the game ended before we ran out of beer.

"Damn," said Nat. "It's still early. Let's have another one."

So we went outside. We sucked down our last cans as the parking lot emptied.

"Let's get to town!"

PART II

"I know a place," said I. "It's called Fairies."

So off we went, Nate on my scooter and Ton in Kevlar's bitch seat.

Fairies sits on the corner of the busy intersection of Zhong Ming and Bo Guan Rds. across from the Seven.

Or, as our friend Dean likes to call it, "the corner of Carbon and Monoxide."

We plunked down inside and started in again.

We drank and laughed and smoked.

We learned that Nat wrote a book about Taiwanese vampires.

"I talked to a Taoist priest about them. He says they definitely exist but you'd never meet one because they'd never choose to show themselves to a mere mortal. They're too powerful for us to see them in this dimension."

"So do they feed on people? I they never reveal themselves to people then what do they eat?"

"I guess they must eat something. Animals, I guess."

"I saw a movie once. They eat teenagers," said Kevlar.

Ton talked a lot about his man-wife, Paul. And Chico.

There was nothing else worth repeating.

PART III

We stepped over to the Seven for a last round.

Everyone got a beer except for Tom. He got a raspberry wine cooler. In a can.

Next to the Seven there is a bar.

"Look at that bar. The Coma," said Kevlar.

"Looks dead," said Nat.

I looked more closely at the blackened windows, colored lights and sign above the door.

"That's not the Coma, Kev, it's the Comma."

"Yeah, the Comma," added Ton.

"A bar named after a punctuation mark," said Nat. "That's kinda dumb."

"It's not dead, Nat, it's just pausing!" said Kevlar. "Hee, hee, hee!"

"This is the punctuated drinking district," I said. "Across the street is The Period."

"The Period? What kind of bar is that?"

"It's a lesbo bar."

"Oh! And over there?"

"That's The Colon. It's a fag bar."

"And the Semi Colon?"

"For the bi-curious, I guess."

"I think that's all."

"What? No Exclamation Point?"

"That was a redneck bar but it got shut down for being too rowdy."

"The Back Slash is still open. Everyone has really long finger nails over there."

"Yeah, we're gonna get a cab."

And never saw any of them ever again.

Except Kevlar.

He's always around.

typhoon muffins

'cause I still have Bread's oven and now I got Sandy's muffin pan. When I burnt my finger I thought "Bread is somewhere laughing". When my apartment filled with fragrance of blueberry muffins, I think Sandy smiled.

This typoon seems pretty mild, I wouldn't hesitate to jump in the car and take a city tour.

After buttering my muffins I am going to throw out... stuff.

button buzz

It is not just my little ears!!
Some of the buttons on blogger play sound bites. Sound bites from videos that have been played on this blog. There was nothing else running on my desktop and upon clicking a button I heard things like: "And 20!" " While she was at Friday's she got me ..." "Every now and then it gets a little bit harder.."

Who linked to Truro's blog? Must have been .. fubar. Blackwater Truro K is my co-worker for the summer. outside of work he can say some dumb ass shit disturbing stuff. At work he complains we pick on him for being jewish (his joke) I think some of us would just like him to "Shut the fuck up!"

Owning a car

1000 km in, and parking is not a problem. I get a sticker from a company advertising the buying and selling of used cars. approximately every two days. I don't park at John's because there is plenty of free parking close to my residence.
I have been to Taipei, and taoyuan airport, Maioli several times. The hilly, willy, nilly Taian hot springs The car had some dash warning lights lit but they stopped blinking. the stereo buttons are tiny.
Costco carded me and said this is not you. The cashier then eyeballed Wifey and Kaia and said it ain't you either. Chinese flew around everyone smiled and I was told that the owner of said card should get one she could use in Canada. and for 1000 i can sign up right now for a membership I could use in Taiwan or Canada.( i am not the first with that..)

The exhaust pipe broke, i blame my extreme efforts to escape parking spaces. I don't know why people park near legitimate spaces, touching them. I haven't scratched any cars, It is called rubbing or bumping. It is kinda like, I was here first. You need to park, but you block my simple drive out exit. Once I was looking for the guy who parked on the outside of my space preventing me from getting in the drivers door or driving out. When the meter maid came along ready to stamp me up for the next hour. "Hey man, you can't charge me, I want to leave and I am trapped. How about towing these two illegally parked vehicles". he smiled and left. Moments later I found the owner of the shiny SUV, was also a shop owner on the street. It was a good thing I didn't scratch Ryan's name and number into the hood, like last time.

Monopoly

It had been a long time since I played this game. i remember different rules. The one that sticks in my head is that you had to buy all of one area before you could build houses for rent.
Well no game with my in-laws would be complete without a little side wager so we went with 4 players at 300 each winner takes all. I had terrific luck the first game but was bored with rolling the dice to escape the high rent spaces on the board. My second game ended quickly as had to sell off my newly acquired real estate to cover my rolling debts.
Monopoly is fun, but better on the beer. Playing a group game is good. Glad not to be pushed into playing a few rounds of mahjong. In mahjong when you are up in cash, people want you to stay around and around and maybe just one more round.

let er rip fellas

Someone forwarded this email to me.

It's been deemed gross enough for publication on TWK...


DO YOU FART IN BED?

THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED
FOR YEARS.

THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF
FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD
WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.

EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM
OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE
COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD
HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE
WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.

THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT.
THEN ONE THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE
TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE
LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE
PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.

SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND
WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS
BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS
AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS.

SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL
TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING
SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS
AS HE RAN INTO THE BATHROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL
HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN
HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED
SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD..

ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME
DOWSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF
HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT
WAS THE MATTER.

HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.'
'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I
DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'.

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE.

'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING
MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.'

BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO
FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.'

Happy Birthday Bread

Have a good one hairdo

let's all have a smoke

i've finally got my wireless working ... new material coming soon

this'll kick off July hao ba?