Brown Young Virgins

"I'm officially on vacation Kev."

"Nice. I started yesterday. How long you got?"

"I go back the 12th. You?"

"I'm not sure when I go back. It's either the 7th or 11th."

"You headin' up country for the holidays?"

"Hmm. I wanna go back to Palau. They have Japanese girls there."

"You taking the fam?"

"Maybe Vietnam. I need a new ______."

"Aaron's there now. Call him. Maybe he can bring one back for you."

"Maybe."

"You won't call him."

"No."

"You never take my advice."

"Well. No. Yes, I do. Sometimes."

"Just trying to help."

"What are you gonna do over the break?"

"Clean the house. Go to Taipei. Gotta get new passports for the boys."

"How long's your Mom in town?"

"Another couple of weeks. What are you really doing? You must be going to Miaoli."

"Yes. I wanna get a bicycle and put a seat on the back for Kaia."

"I know where you might get a bike."

"Where?"

"I know someone who wants to sell one."

"would you be talking about yourself?"

"Yes!"

"How much you want for it?"

"Two large."

"Oooo. Really?"

"Yeah. Only a year old. Hardly ever ridden. Just look at how fat my ass is."

"Rather not. Thanks. Though it's hard not to notice. Two thousand?"

"Paid 35 for it. You got money."

"Speaking of bikes and asses, you know why Chinese people bury their dead with their asses sticking out of the ground?"

"Maybe I heard this before."

"So they have a place to park their bicycles."

"Oh! You racist shit."

"That's not racist. My wife's Chinese."

"You remember when I asked you what your favorite Xmas song was?"

"Yeah."

"What'd you say?"

"White Christmas."

"Unh-huh. See?"

"So what's your favorite Xmas song?"

"I like Little Drummer Boy. That one and Silent Night."

"Hmm. Silent Night. Boring."

"No. Not so. I love the line about the brown young virgins."

"Brown young virgins?"

"Yeah. Brown young virgins, so tender and mild."

"Oh! That's bad!"

"No! I thought you'd love that one."

"Maybe."

"Like the Muslim afterlife, kinda."

"Year of the Rat coming."

"Yep. No more Pig teachin'"

"We're both Rats."

"Yep."

"I said to my co-worker that I should have a good year because it's my year."

"And?"

"She said that that was impossible. If it's your year you can't have a good one."

"I've heard that before."

"Well, that's just not right!"

"You believe in Chinese astrology?"

"Not if that's a rule!"

"But if it were a good outlook you'd be all about it."

"Oh, yeah! I wanna play cards."

"AJ would like to host a night, he said."

"Yeah?"

"Make yourself available and we might get a game over the break."

"Hmm. I'll see."

"Be fun."

"Hunh?"

"It would be fun."

"My luck Bread would show up and take all my money."

"We'd be lucky to have Bread show up. Be fun."

"Maybe."

"You sound Chinese with all your maybes."

"Maybe. I can't decide."

"Wanna see my new tattoo?"

"Tattoo?"

"Yeah. I got huge one on my ass."

"Christ. Drop it."

"OK."

"I mean don't talk about your ass anymore."

"Oh. It's a unicorn.."

"You bastard!"