Another good movie

This movie is a true story and it is pretty good.

DVD

British program that had a spin off called The Real Hustle.

It is in the vein of Ocean's Eleven. It is a program about con-artists.

Burl on the HSR

Cool currency converter

I think it is cool to look at all the currencies at once. I always used some

kinda google thing or the newspaper and a calculator.

The link is in the title.

Changes

Before.........................and......................After



I like the horizontal shelf better. It can store more things. But vertical is neat.

Every third book was pulled from the shelf with the phrase

" Read book, read this one". She also sat on her treasure flipping thru books.

If these books fall again I'm going to burn them.

I doubt the vertical shelving will encourage climbing. But I did make the bottom

shelves easy to remove . I also put all the boring Chinese books on the lower

levels so she will loose interest if she attempts the climb.

The "A La Aj", bag storage will stay because it is a great idea. My variation is too

run a rope between the hooks and hang lots of stuff with less hooks.

350 kph

Adventures in crazy glue

Where the hammer bit you. (variation on Show us where the Axe bit ya)


I knocked a nail out of a board and the force took a chuck out of the tile.

The hollow gap under the tile didn't help.

The tube label reads " Crazy glue adheres to skin instantly", and so it does.


.
It worked ok. It has gotta be quicker than trying to remove the old tile.

.

New Wheels

Ok, I like the loaner 3 wheel stroller from Ry guy. I used to own one, my young wife

gave the 4500nt stroller to her sister. I tried a push trike, but it is tippy and awkward.

I picked this up at Carrefoure for 2488nt. I rode it around the store and it seems ok.

I rode it home and now I think scooters move too fast. I took all the plastic off it cause

I am weird. I doubt i will ever fold it up again 'Cause I don't have a trunk to put it in.

Kaia thinks it is fun, so we'll see how it goes from here.

Shopping for Old MacDonald

Sing and play Shoo Fly was 272nt and has fun games. Yoyo Love You (DVD, and CD) is Chinese and has great dance moves,298nt. Kids English Songs was 58nt( it is a CD) it has great songs.. but the music is midi.. synthesizer crap and the songs are chorally sung by Chinese kids with crap pronunciation.

My daughter is all about singing Old Mcdonald, and Happy Birthday

DIY shock

The plug (power point in NZ) came out of the wall. The wood it was attached with

had rotted. Two huge cement nails prevented the use of a couple of screws. Drilled

some holes jammed in new bits of wood and gave myself a pleasant shock trying to

stick it all together.
Some engineer in Chin ju has come up with the "80% rule", meaning Taiwan

construction is pretty good but never perfect. For example this plug was designed

with a ground and placed into a semi-stylish counter... -20% because it was slapped

together with some old wood and 3inch spikes and red tape. The ground was never attached.

The 80% follows many public works projects. A park is designed with nice trees and

sidewalks then to prevent perfection the tree tops are sheared off and sidewalks

replaced with scooter parking. Or easier a great park and it doesn't have convenient

trash removeal..i.e. no trash bins at all.

Kinmen Kevlar

Kevlar may be going to Cebu on vacation. Or Singapore. But he doesn't want to go to Singapore. He wants to go to the Philippines. The wife wants him to go to Singapore.

Quoth Kevlar, "The way I smoke and spit I can't afford the fines I'd get in Singapore."

He came over yesterday and drank all my rum.

With this haircut I reckon he's going to Kinmen to fight the commies.

Brown Young Virgins

"I'm officially on vacation Kev."

"Nice. I started yesterday. How long you got?"

"I go back the 12th. You?"

"I'm not sure when I go back. It's either the 7th or 11th."

"You headin' up country for the holidays?"

"Hmm. I wanna go back to Palau. They have Japanese girls there."

"You taking the fam?"

"Maybe Vietnam. I need a new ______."

"Aaron's there now. Call him. Maybe he can bring one back for you."

"Maybe."

"You won't call him."

"No."

"You never take my advice."

"Well. No. Yes, I do. Sometimes."

"Just trying to help."

"What are you gonna do over the break?"

"Clean the house. Go to Taipei. Gotta get new passports for the boys."

"How long's your Mom in town?"

"Another couple of weeks. What are you really doing? You must be going to Miaoli."

"Yes. I wanna get a bicycle and put a seat on the back for Kaia."

"I know where you might get a bike."

"Where?"

"I know someone who wants to sell one."

"would you be talking about yourself?"

"Yes!"

"How much you want for it?"

"Two large."

"Oooo. Really?"

"Yeah. Only a year old. Hardly ever ridden. Just look at how fat my ass is."

"Rather not. Thanks. Though it's hard not to notice. Two thousand?"

"Paid 35 for it. You got money."

"Speaking of bikes and asses, you know why Chinese people bury their dead with their asses sticking out of the ground?"

"Maybe I heard this before."

"So they have a place to park their bicycles."

"Oh! You racist shit."

"That's not racist. My wife's Chinese."

"You remember when I asked you what your favorite Xmas song was?"

"Yeah."

"What'd you say?"

"White Christmas."

"Unh-huh. See?"

"So what's your favorite Xmas song?"

"I like Little Drummer Boy. That one and Silent Night."

"Hmm. Silent Night. Boring."

"No. Not so. I love the line about the brown young virgins."

"Brown young virgins?"

"Yeah. Brown young virgins, so tender and mild."

"Oh! That's bad!"

"No! I thought you'd love that one."

"Maybe."

"Like the Muslim afterlife, kinda."

"Year of the Rat coming."

"Yep. No more Pig teachin'"

"We're both Rats."

"Yep."

"I said to my co-worker that I should have a good year because it's my year."

"And?"

"She said that that was impossible. If it's your year you can't have a good one."

"I've heard that before."

"Well, that's just not right!"

"You believe in Chinese astrology?"

"Not if that's a rule!"

"But if it were a good outlook you'd be all about it."

"Oh, yeah! I wanna play cards."

"AJ would like to host a night, he said."

"Yeah?"

"Make yourself available and we might get a game over the break."

"Hmm. I'll see."

"Be fun."

"Hunh?"

"It would be fun."

"My luck Bread would show up and take all my money."

"We'd be lucky to have Bread show up. Be fun."

"Maybe."

"You sound Chinese with all your maybes."

"Maybe. I can't decide."

"Wanna see my new tattoo?"

"Tattoo?"

"Yeah. I got huge one on my ass."

"Christ. Drop it."

"OK."

"I mean don't talk about your ass anymore."

"Oh. It's a unicorn.."

"You bastard!"

Home Made Power Windows

Don't have power windows? Red Green will fix you right up.

Some of my co-workers

I just got handed these today.

KTV Nonsense

I made some new friends with these moves. The wine seems to have affected my singing.

history lesson

Absurd History
Uploaded by wblab

Kevlar and the J-Hole

Rarer than a sober Ni Howdling, a Montana Hottie and clemency for a Texas Retard all rolled into one, I witnessed and participated in an actual conversation between Kevlar and J-Hole the other night at Fubar. I figured I'd better take a few mental notes, despite my inebriation, 'cause this kinda shit just don't happen so much anymore...

For the record.

We (myself, J-Hole, Sam, D-Wayne and his old man) had just finished watching the Packers bury the Seahawks and were waiting for the Pats-Jax matchup when I got a call from Kevlar.



"You at Fubar?"

"Yep."

"OK. I'm leaving now."

Bloody rare. Wow. His wife must be out of town. Kevlar just doesn't move that quickly. Anticipating a nicotine charged chat, I walk out to the 7 on Jing Cheng to get some Nats.

When I return Kevlar's parking his bike so we walk in together.

"Whoa doggie Jethro! Where'd you come from?" says JW.

"I had to meet him out on the main street. He couldn't remember how to get here."

"Well God Damn. How you doin Kevlar?"

Kev lights a smoke and says, "Good, good. You?"



I notice D-Wayne cooking up some hot dogs. JW's eating one and so is Sam. They don't look like 7-11 dogs, they look really good and smell better.

"Want a dog?"

"Yeah!"

"There's one weiner and one sausage left. Only one bun though."

"Ryan can have the bun. He's an ass anyway. I'll take the sausage on a stick."

"There's mustard and grated cheese too."

D-Wayne fixes me one. It's delicious.

"This is awesome! Costco?"

"Yep. Pure All American Beef Weiners."

"How much were they?"

"It worked out to 20-30 NT per weiner."

"So how much. Total?"

"I couldn't fit em all in my freezer bags. I brought the odd ones down here."

"Ryan wants to know how much you paid, John."

"We just got this big ol' pack of em in ice. Good deal."

"Well, thanks for the dog. It hit the spot."

"Yeah, thanks John."


We sit back with our beer and light smokes. Kevlar leans in and grins at me and says, "Did you get a vasectomy?"

I stand up, smile and adjust myself. "No, but I hear they're cheap."

John howls, "Did he get a vasectomy? Whut?"

"I thought I read something about that somewhere."

"I think I know what you read."

"So you didn't get the onion peeled?"

"The onion peeled? No. Where did you come up with that euphemism? "

Kev shrugs.

"How about you? Did you get the party bag pierced?"



"OH! Ha! No! Heh! Heh! No I didn't. That's not too bad." Kev shifts in his seat. John coughs.

"Get the onion sliced sounds better. Causes more pain and uncomfortable shifting. I can't think of any more euphemisms for vasectomies. Can you?"

"Snipped," says John.

"OK. That's the standard. But are there any others?"

We think for a bit. Someone says Split the Raisin. Silence.

"Maybe it's cause men don't like to talk about this," says I.

"Maybe so," John scowls.

"So why are you out tonight Kev?"



"The wife's in Miaoli."

"Figured. I thought maybe you were gonna tell us she's pregnant."

"No! No. I watched the Brit Paul videos and thought that maybe I missed some fun last week."

"What did you think of them?"

"His imitation of Brett was hilarious! I pissed myself watching it. I made Anne watch it. She didn't think it was so funny."

John chimes in, " She still got the big chair and the wide computer system setup?"

"Yep. She's raising Kaia from the big chair. I call her Girl-Jabba."

John chokes-spits smoke and beer. He's pleased with what he's just heard.

"My Mom's coming on Tuesday," I said.

"I talked to my Mom the other day. She's not coming," says Kev.

"Where would you put her if she did?" I ask.

"I'd have to move."

"You still got the pit?" asked John. "You could curtain that off and put her in there," he offered.

"What did you think of BP doing you?"



"Yeah. That wasn't so funny. It coulda been anybody."

"John and Aaron sure thought it was."

"Yeah, well, what kind of name is Aaron anyway?"

John and I exchange quizzical glances.

"Pretty old, " says John.

"Jewish?" I say.

"Like his brother, Moses," says John.

Kev responds, "Yeah, wasn't he missing for like 2 years? MIA? Off the grid?"

"More like 40," answers John.

"No, not that long. They found him." Then, "His name is Moses?"

"I think you guys are talking about different people."


"My head's cold. I better put on my hat."

Kev slaps on an orange Longhorns cap. He looks like he's 16 again. He stands up, points at John and sings, "THE EYES OF TEXAS ARE UP ON YOU, ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY! THE EYES OF TEXAS ARE UP ON YOU! TEXAS TECH IS GAY!"

I laugh. Hard.

"Brett gave me this last time he was here."

John says, "Y'all best be careful there."

He opens his jacket to reveal his ubiquitous Tech gear.














They finally kissed and made up.




"Better a Texan of sorts than a Nova Scotian any day," says John.




I leave shortly thereafter.

BP does Bread doing BP

Last installment: Brit Paul doing Brett doing Brit Paul.

BP does Brett doing BP
Uploaded by ryanator

BP Does Kevlar

Brit Paul's Kevlar impression was a big hit with Red A and JW.

BP does Kevlar
Uploaded by ryanator

Brit Paul: Impressions

Worked closely with the suits at Ni Howdy on this one. I'm busting a gut every time I see it.

Part 1 of 3

BP Impressions: The American
Uploaded by ryanator

February

February will have an extra work day.

February 29th is coming.

Can you believe it has been four years? Where the hell did the time go?

I wanna play some cards.

the great name change

About the name change.

We've been getting mail for months about the lack of actual talking with Kevlar that's been going on round here. Though we periodically get a gem or two per month, let's face it, the mother lode is tapped. Hope you enjoyed the ride. We set the slaves free mid December. I blew my diamonds on kids and beer and salad. Luckily Kevlar's still posting so we can get our biweekly nuggets of Kayness. And I'm trying to recall a conversation we had about ass cheeks and postage stamps and Xmas songs. Stay tuned.

The Board of Erectors met over the holidays and got smashed. Their purpose was to devise a new name for the blog. You see what happened. They just tweaked it a bit- The Great Smoking Blog. It had been the subtitle all fall. Jeez, Way to go out on a limb there fellers. They felt it best represented the realm that is K . "This blog was born of the mad vapour and of the mad fucking vapour it shall continue!" shouted the whiskey. "Our readers smoke. It's a smo-king blog!"chewed the salad..."It wafts" honked the vodka. "Wahtever, youz guys say." slurred the beer...

Here's the short list, which may be kinda long, but not really - you can read it before you butt...

I like some of em, not all of em...

Well, I Thought I'd Go Out And Have a Cigarette. So I Did. Cause That's What I Do.

Talking With Kevlar On,

Kevlaar On Rye,

Baking With Bread, (lawyers are expensive)

The Smoking Room/Airport Lounge, Balcony Dwellers/Fellers,

The High Hard Hat,

Hirsute Highway, Hairy Hacienda

the Pap Smear Minute (KTV nite back in the day)

Knots and Lathes

Opium Whores! (personal fav)

Hui-Ban- Luo-Kong! (swing and a miss!)

Inhaler's Eponymous,

Wrenches and Wenches/Wenches and Wrenches

Topless Blog! La-La-La-la! Topless Blog!

Narwhal Manifesto,

Christ On A Thunderbolt!

Merry Isthmus ,

Constructadores!

I am growing

I am a Snapdragon What Flower Are You?

"Mischief is your middle name, but your first is friend. You are quite the prankster that loves to make other people laugh."

TWK sounds like the name of a train. But I like the mysterious air of the hard consonant abbreviation.

Got a Butterfinger from Uncle Jimmy's, and I am going to eat it slow..ly. It is sitting on my desk calling me. "Eat me! eat me!" I said, "eat me!".

It is too much, I can't take it! "Bite me!", said the bar of chocolate"Un- wrap me, peel my paper"

heh heh